Disclaimer: I’m sick of typing disclaimers, so go to
http://www.geocities.com/kiraanjedi/disclaimers.html

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Xanatos looked around, disoriented. Either he’d
landed in a giant-sized parallel universe, or
something was very, very wrong. A giant woman leaned
over him, then smiled, adjusting her glasses.
“I hoped that’d work,” she said, and Xan recognized
her voice.
“Shelly, Love, why am I on the floor?” he asked,
looking up. “Correction, why am I on the floor
and not either naked or pleasantly enjoying this view
of the underside of your bed?”
She shook her head.
“Xan, you’re a bunny, you’re supposed to be on the
floor.”
“I’m a /WHAT/?!?!?!?” he said, panicked. She sighed.
“I made sure that the next time you hopped into my
world, you wouldn’t be able to cause any
trouble,” she said. “Every time you try to portal
into my bedroom from now on, you’ll turn into a Plot
Bunny.”
He stared, then slowly sank into a scowling glare.
“Shelly,” he said quietly, trying to sound calm. “I
don’t like this.” She grinned.
“Well, /I/ didn’t like you almost ruining my ‘Hiding
from the Sun’,” she said. “I nearly squished
poor Goth-Obi’s little Fimo umbrella because you
sneaked up on me last time. This time, you’re a
bunny.
A harmless, invisible-to-others Plot-bunny.”
He scowled, well, at least as decent a sithly scowl
one could do with a fuzzy nose and whiskers.
He hopped a step experimentally. He twitched a
Xanabunny ear, surprised.
“Well, it’s not that bad,” he mumbled, scratching at
his ear with a hind paw. He looked up to see
she’d walked away. “Shel?” he called, hopping past
the chair, searching. She leaned past the doorframe,
looking down.
“Yes?”
“Are you going to leave me down here?” he asked.
“Don’t I at least get picked up and cuddled?
I am quite a nicely cuddleable size now,” he said,
tilting his head at her with as much of a plaintive
look
as he could muster. She sighed, glaring, then shook
her head. She walked over and reached down to pick
him up.
“Ah! Watch the paws!,” he said, squirming as he was
hefted aloft. He nestled against her arm as
she held him like a baby, then sighed. “You realize
this is the closest you’ve ever let me get to you?” he
asked. She sighed.
“Yes, now don’t ruin it by acting like a human again,
or I’ll drop you,” she warned, carrying him
into the computer room. She set him down on a chair
next to the computer, then pulled her own chair
over. He twitched his nose, stretching to see the
screen.
“Eww, Starship Titanic? Can’t you find a better
desktop theme?” he asked, and she bopped him
on the nose with a finger.
“Silence, mortal,” she said, moving the mouse and
clicking on something on the screen.
“Douglas Adams is not to be ridiculed in this house,
or you’ll be a plot cockroach next time.” He shrank
back in the chair, looking up uneasily.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Don’t tempt me,” she said, then something popped
onto the screen and she frowned.
“Ooh, watch out, here comes trouble, Squawk!” an
annoying voice said, then the window closed again.
“Stupid error messages,” she growled. “I know you
have enough memory, you antiquated piece
of crap, I installed it myself,” she grumbled,
clicking on something else. Another window with text
opened. “Ha,” she sneered. “Try to tell me you can’t
find my file,” she said. Xan was officially
convinced she was insane.
“Um, Shelly-dear....” he began, then took a second
look at the text on the screen. “It’s me!!!” he
said, his Bunny-vision kicking in and recognizing his
own character. She scratched behind his ears and
smiled.
“See? you’re not as dumb as you look,” she said, then
scrolled down the screen. He suppressed
the sudden urge to bite her.
“You’re only being snippy because I’m small enough
not to fight back,” he said, twitching his
whiskers. She nodded with a smirk. He scowled. “You
know, I could always poop on the carpet, bunnies
do that, you know,” he muttered.
“Do it and I’ll slash you with Evyl Obi,” she said,
“Or worse, Ulic.” He shuddered.
“I’ll behave,” he said reluctantly. “Just don’t flop
my ears around like that again,” he said, then
hopped from his chair to her lap. He put his front
paws on the keyboard tray, reading. “Gah, you’re
going to have me being /nice/ to Obi-wan? What did he
ever do to....” he drifted off, reading. “I’m a
Jedi? Are you insane? You’re making me a Jedi, and
living in the temple?” he asked, nudging the mouse
with his nose to the scroll bar.
“Go down, I want to see what else you’re about to
embarrass me with,” he grumbled, then
bumped the enter key.
“Hey, watch it! This is three hours work!” she said,
hefting him off the keyboard. “Here, I’ll let
you read it, just hold still, okay?” she said,
absently rubbing his ear while clicking to the next
page. He
snorted at the screen.
“Not only are you making me a Jedi, but I’ve got a
five-year-old daughter to put up with?” he
scoffed.
“Rescue, not put up with. She’d kidnapped by the
Jedi because you’re evil,” she said. He tried to
quirk an eyebrow, but only managed a twitch of his
whiskers.
“I’m not evil, I’m misunderstood and neglected,” he
corrected with a pouting tone. “Hmm,
scratch the other ear, Love, that’s pretty nice,” he
said, snuggling closer to her hip. She looked down,
then sighed, scrolling to the next page.
“How about this one?” she asked. He glanced up, then
sniffled.
“Write what you want, I’m comfy here,” he said with a
sigh. She looked down, smirking. If
he’d been a Plot-kitty, he’d be purring.
“You know, a plot bunny’s job is to help write
stories, not just spawn new ideas,” she said. He
somehow managed a shrug.
“I’m not into spawning, just snuggling,” he said,
then realized what he’d said. “Ummm,” he
tried to correct, just a tad too late. He looked up,
blinking with embarrassment. “You’re not going to
dump me for that, are you?” he asked. She smiled,
then turned toward the screen.
“Welll.... Unintentional innuendo isn’t going to
count this time,” she said, then frowned at the
screen. “Why is Qui-gon here?” she muttered, “I
thought I left him arguing with Yoda.” She looked
down.
“That’s the bad thing about typing at 3 in the
morning, you never know what you’re going to get when
you’re awake enough to actually /read/ what you’ve
typed.” He snickered, then twitched a frown.
“If I’m that old in the story, why is Qui-gon still
alive?” he asked.
“Alternate Universe. TPM never happened, Qui and Obi
were sent to Zah’ahn’na instead of
Naboo, and Palpy killed Amidala.”
“Ooh! Kabuki-girl dies!? I like this one after
all,” he said, lifting his head higher to see the
screen. “So, Oafy and Qui get to play with Kiraan,
and I’m still evil. What else?” She sighed, moving
the mouse to keep the screen-saver off.
“You turn out to be a kind of dark hero, and save
your daughter from a Jedi brainwashing.
Qui-gon rescues you both, leaving Obi to finish his
trials alone. Obi quits and joins the Imperial
Knights
under Kiraan, and ends up still becoming a general
during the Clone Wars. Qui dies saving the kid from
assassins, you go all vengeful and smite Mace Windu.
Palpy tries to turn Obi, Obi kills him and Maul,
who turns out to be a Jedi breeding experiment gone
awry.”
“Ooh, that I like,” he said. “What were you on when
you thought this up?” he asked, and nearly
got dumped to the floor.
“I wasn’t /on/ anything,” she snarled, then looked
thoughtful, then slightly sheepish.
“I was eating cocoa puffs and drinking a Sobe Lizz
Blizz,” she admitted. “Hey, those things are
evil! They’ll give you one nasty nervous twitch if
you’re not used to the triple-density
sugar-saturation.
Why do you think Evyl’s so hyper after eating them?”

He was laughing.
She sighed in disgust and dropped him to the floor
beside the chair by the ears. “Aaagh!” he
said, then scrambled off behind the garbage can. “You
vicious....” he began, then snarled. “Dammit, that
/HURT/” he complained, fuming and trying to rub his
ears with his paws.
“Next time behave yourself,” she said.
“Just be glad bunnies aren’t force-adept in your
universe!” he snarled, rubbing his ears on the
carpet and muttering curses.
“Pooh,” she said, moving the mouse again.
“I should...” he muttered, scratching the carpet with
his dulled-down claws.
“You do and you’ll be sleeping with Ulic by
nightfall,” she said. He froze, blinking. He sulked
for a minute, then hopped over to her chair.
“Forgive, me, Love?” he asked in his most polite
tone. She looked down, sighing, then smiled
weakly.
“Oh, all right,” she said, bending over and scooping
him up again. He nestled down in her lap,
then looked up at the computer screen.
“Good grief, is that /Exar/?” he asked, realizing it
was a different story.
“Yep. A preview of what’s to come,” she said,
scratching his ears again.
“Okay, now I know you’re insane. Exar and Obi-wan?
What could they possibly have...” he
paused, then blinked. “Evyl?” he said, gaping.
“That’s /Evyl/? Woah, what happened to /him/?” he
asked, and got bopped on the ear.
“That’s a surprise,” she said, then closed the file.
“Wh, wait, you’re not even going to tell me? Your
own personal plot bunny?”
“Nope, not even you. Actually, /especially/ not
you,” she said. He sulked.
“Are you going to make me human again now?” he asked.
She shrugged.
“Perhaps. You think you deserve it?” she asked,
opening another story.
“Yes, of course! Not that I don’t mind being
cuddle-able, but....” he said, then broke off, staring
at the screen. He was silent for a moment, then
shuffled uncomfortably.
“Whooo...,” he said, blinking. “You’re posting
this?” he asked. She nodded. He looked back at
the screen, impressed. “Brave,” he said, reading.
“Um.... you mind making me human again sometime
soon? I feel the need to use the facilities,” he said,
then ducked at a glare.
“To /Pee/” he said defensively. “Gah, I’m not /that/
bad!” he grumbled. “The dirty mind ends at
the portal, you know that. I only /play/ here, I’d
never...” he said, then shrugged. She sighed, then
set
him on the floor.
“Go in and picture yourself reaching for the door to
close it,” she said, “Once the door opens,
you’re a bunny again, so don’t plan anything funny,”
she warned. He hopped off toward the bathroom.
“And you know this will work because...?” he asked.

“Because it’s my universe, and I wrote it,” she said,
turning in her chair toward him. He stared
for a moment, then sighed and hopped away. She heard
the door close, and a sigh of relief, followed by
human foot-steps. The door opened again, and a black
furry bunny emerged. He paused at the door, an
odd look on his face.
“You know, if I’m human only in the bathroom, we
could...” he began in a suggestive tone, then
stopped as she glared. “Right. Just kidding!” he
said, faking a laugh. “No Xaniroach for me,” he said,
trying not to sound scared of the consequences of
offending the creator of his current predicament. He
hopped over, then looked up at her.
“You going to lift me up?”
“You remember to wash your paws?” she asked.
“/Yes/” he hissed, “I washed my /paws/,” he grumbled.
She looked suspicious, then hefted him up
by the waist. He grumbled something under his breath,
then looked up at the computer.
“That it?” he asked. She shrugged.
“I’m all out of ideas for now,” she said. He sighed,
then grumbled again.
“Oh all right, I’ll /leave/,” he grumbled, doing the
opposite by settling down more comfortably.
“Fine, see how well life goes without a bunny to keep
you company,” he muttered. She sighed and
flopped his ears over his face.
“Silly furball,” she sighed, starting up a program.
He flipped his ears out of his face and looked
up.
“Oh no, anything but that....”
“Silence, mortal, time to reign terror and doom upon
the poor, helpless Lemmings....” she said,
then cackled a truly evil laugh. “Die, little green
and blue pixel-critters, die!”
“Oh gods, you really are deranged, aren’t you?” he
asked.
“Deranged enough to create you, Xanabunny. Now shut
up, I’m playing a game.”
He watched for a few minutes, then said “Can I press
the ‘nuke’ key a few times? The Builders
and Floaters are annoying me....”

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