Title: .....Than to Never Have Loved (1/11)
Sequel to: Blind Date
Summary: The happy couple try to start their life together. But
something happens that neither of them could have forseen.
Disclaimer: George owns all this stuff except for the original
characters, which are mine. Unfortunately, I am making no money off this;
my husband would be a lot happier if I was.
Feedback: Most definitely! Please? (darth_patches@juno.com)
*********************************
Chapter 1: Homecoming
Nine weeks. Qui-Gon had been gone for nine weeks, on some mission with
Master Yoda and some of the others. Nine weeks of agony, of being
without him, of being alone. Gods, she missed him.
It had been a year since their first date, that fateful day she lost the
bet with Vrin and had to go on that blind date. She smiled as she
remembered her consternation at having to do it, only to have it turn out
so wonderfully.
/Tomorrow,/ she thought with a smile.
The next day was their anniversary. She thought back to the day he left.
Qui-Gon had promised to be back in time. He told her before he left
that he had a very special surprise planned. She had begged him to tell
her, but he had just smiled and teased her to no end. He loved to tease
her.
She had cut off a lock of her short black curls and given it to him, for
luck. She knew it was cliché, but she didn’t care. And Qui had thought
it sweet. He had tucked it into the band that tied off the end of his
braid. He gave her a lock of his own in return. She now kept it in a
small transparisteel locket on a silver chain, which she never took off.
He had kissed her then, telling her how much he would miss her, and that
he loved her. /I love you too,/ she had responded. And then he boarded
the ship and was gone.
Fingering that same locket, she shook her head, bringing her thoughts
back to the present. They were due back today, anytime now, in fact.
She shivered in joyous anticipation. She had plans to welcome him back,
in her own way.
*****
Qui-Gon fidgeted nervously as the ship entered Coruscant’s atmosphere.
He was anxious to land, anxious to get back home, back to Shanna. He
worriedly fingered the lock of curly black hair tucked into the end of
his padawan braid. His other hand played with the little box that was in
his pocket. /It’s been nine weeks,/ he fretted. He walked from the
table to the veiwport, and back again. /That’s a long time. What if she
didn’t miss me? What if she’s found someone else? What if she doesn’t
love me any more? What if.../
"Qui-Gon," a high, gravelly voice spoke up. Qui-Gon turned away from the
viewport to face Master Yoda. "Stop pacing, you must. Get the ship
there faster, it will not," the ancient Jedi Master scolded.
"I’m sorry, Master Yoda, I’m just..." He let his voice trail off.
With a gnarled green hand, Yoda beckoned him closer. Qui-Gon knelt on
one knee in front of him.
Yoda laid his hand on Qui-Gon’s arm. "Still yours, her heart is," he
said gently. "Sense it, I can. Strong, her love is for you. As is
yours for her. That is why the Council approved."
Qui-Gon felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted from him. "Thank
you, Master Yoda," he said, much relieved. "And thank you again for your
approval. You know how much this means to me."
Before they left on this mission, Qui-Gon had gone before the Council to
request permission to marry Shanna. Normally this was not necessary
among the Jedi, but since they were both still padawans, they needed
permission from their Masters, and the Masters usually sought advice from
the Council on the decision. Qui-Gon had decided to cut out all the
middlemen, and went straight to the Council. He made his request, and
they had agreed.
Shanna didn’t know yet, though. He hadn’t told her about seeing the
Council, hadn’t even mentioned marriage yet. He was going to propose to
her the next day, on their anniversary.
"Know that, I do," Yoda told him, patting Qui-Gon’s knee. "Now, this
fretting you must stop. Almost there, we are. Look," he instructed,
pointing at the viewport with his walking stick.
Qui-Gon obeyed, going over and looking out. And indeed they were almost
there; the landing pad was right below the ship, and there was the
shuttle that would take them to the Jedi Temple. He looked out across
the cityscape, sighting the Temple. /Home,/ he thought happily. He was
almost home.
*****
Shanna stood on the landing, playing with her necklace and waiting for
the incoming shuttle, with Vrin standing next to her. When Vrin had come
to tell her they had landed and were on their way to the Temple, she
asked her Master if she could be excused to greet the returning Jedi.
She expected to be told no, but asked anyway, so she was surprised when
he told her she could go, giving her an odd smile.
"There it is, Shan," Vrin said, pointing. Shanna could see the shuttle
approaching through the crowded traffic of Coruscant’s airways.
"Oh, Vrin, what if he didn’t miss me? What if he’s decided if he doesn’t
want to be with me after all?"
Vrin, having heard all this nonsense before, decided she had heard
enough. She lightly smacked her best friend upside the back of the head.
"Hey!" Shanna exclaimed, rubbing the back of her head. "What was that
for?"
"You were being stupid again." Vrin shook her head. "Shan, that man
loves you more than anything in the galaxy. The only thing he is more
devoted to is the Jedi Order."
Shanna grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess you’re right. But you didn’t
have to hit me," she pouted.
"Hey, I warned you, didn’t I, that the next time you started talking like
that, I was going to knock some sense into you. Now, go greet your man;
the shuttle’s here."
Shanna looked, and sure enough, the shuttle was pulling up to the
landing. Her heart fluttered with excitement.
*****
Qui-Gon’s heart was doing aerobics of its own as the shuttle neared its
destination. He had gone over to the other viewport so that he could see
the landing, and there she was standing, waiting for him! His heart
swelled with love, and he was more impatient than ever to get off the
shuttle. He felt the gentle nudge of the shuttle against the platform,
and he was at the door, waiting for it to open.
Open it did, none too soon for Qui-Gon. With long strides he hurried
down the ramp towards her.
Shanna saw Qui-Gon emerge, his long hair tied back and Coruscant’s
afternoon sun glinting merrily off of it; she smiled happily and took a
couple of steps in his direction. Then, abandoning all decorum, she ran
the rest of the way to him. When she reached him, he picked her up and
swung her around like a child, grinning. Then he kissed her passionately,
still holding her in the air, eliciting a few cheers from the small crowd
that had gathered to greet the returning Jedi. They were oblivious to it
all, though, as they opened their hearts and minds to each other, the
love that passed along that link burned away all their fears and
uncertainties.
Realizing the need to breathe, they reluctantly broke the kiss. But
instead of setting her down, her embraced her fiercely, holding her tight
against him.
"Gods, I missed you," he whispered, his voice rough with emotion.
"Oh, Qui, I missed you too," she whispered back. After a moment, she
pulled her head back and looked in his eyes. "You should probably put me
down, love. People are staring," she told him.
"So?" he growled. "Let them stare." But he did set her down and gave
her a gentle kiss.
She caressed his face, briefly, and then took his hand and led him off
the platform, heading towards the living quarters. They were halfway
there when he stopped her, pulling her around and embracing her.
"Sorry, love, but duty first," he said, face buried in her hair. /You
smell so good,/ he sent, making her smile. "I have to report to the
Council with the others, but I’ll be free after that."
"Not if I can help it," she grinned up at him, a glint in her eye. "I
have a very warm welcome planned for you." She pulled his head down and
kissed him soundly, projecting a few choice images of what she had
planned for him. Then she pulled away. She turned him in the direction
of the Council chambers and gave him a gentle shove. "Go, before I drag
you off and ravage you. Otherwise you’ll never make it to give your
report."
He touched her cheek, his gorgeous blue eyes full of love and desire, and
with obvious reluctance, he headed off to report to the Council.
*********************************
Chapter 2: Warm Welcome
Shanna padded around her quarters barefoot, in a blue silk robe. They
had left the link between them open, and whenever she sensed Qui-Gon
tiring or especially tense, she would send him reassurance and love. It
seemed to help.
/It has, love, believe me, it has./ he sent. She could sense immense
relief from him.
/Does this mean the meeting is over, my love?/
/Thank the Force, yes,/ came his reply. She felt relief and exhaustion
and tension coming from him in waves. He had been in the Council
chambers for over three hours.
/Well, come join me, and I’ll do what I can to make you feel better./
/On my way,/ he said.
About five minutes later, Qui-Gon reached the quarters she had shared
with her Master, who was still meeting with the Council. He touched the
announcer switch, and heard it chime inside. Nothing. He tried again.
Still no response. Confused, he called, /Shanna?/
/Hmm?/
/Why aren’t you answering the door?/
Shanna’s eyes flew open wide as she realized what had happened. /Omigosh,
Qui, I’m sorry; I forgot. Go to the next door on your right and just
palm the lock; it’s set up to allow you access./
/Huh?/
/Just trust me, darling. I’ll explain in a minute./
He sighed, and did as she instructed, palming the lock. The door slid
open, and there stood Shanna, in a sea blue robe that brought out the
silver of her eyes. She was holding two cups of steaming liquid, and she
walked over and pressed one into his hands. "What - ?" he asked, still
perplexed.
"It’s hot chocolate. Here, drink."
"How did you - ?"
"I know how much you like it, so I special-ordered some."
"But, it must have cost you - "
"Shh," she said, pressing a finger to his lips. "It doesn’t matter.
Drink," she insisted. He took a couple sips, and could feel his tension
slipping away a little. "That’s better," she said.
"Now," he said, taking another sip, "would you mind explaining to me why
you’re here instead of at home?" He glanced around the room. It was
sparsely but well furnished, decorated in rich greens and blues, with
silver accents.
"This is home, now." Qui-Gon stared at her, too tired to quite
comprehend. She continued. "I'm Master Arrad's first female padawan, and
sharing living space with me became somewhat - uncomfortable - for him,
especially during my monthly cycle. So when this," she turned around with
her arms outstretched, "became vacant shortly after you left, he got
permission from the Council to set me up in here. It's great, because
he's right next door, but I have my own space and plenty," she eyed him
suggestively then, "of privacy."
"Now," Shanna said, setting her cup down on a nearby table, "you are
exhausted. Come here." She proceeded to remove his tunic, undoing his
sash and sliding the shirt over his shoulders. He switched the cup from
one hand to the other as she pulled it off his arms. His undertunic
followed, leaving his muscular, broad chest bare. Draping the clothing
over a chair, she took his hand and led him through a door into the
bedroom.
She led him over to the bed. "Here, lay down," she told him.
/Shan, I am VERY tired...../
"I know," she said gently. /Trust me, please?/
Too exhausted to argue, he laid down on his back and put his hands under
his head.
/Turn over, love./
Puzzled, he did ask she asked, and his unvoiced question was answered
when he felt her straddling his rear. She began kneading his neck and
shoulders; she used the Force to loosen the worst knots, her gentle
ministrations greatly easing the tension from his sore muscles. She
worked her way down his back, massaging with deft fingers. She projected
so much love and warmth that he felt like he was wrapped in a blanket,
all cozy and content. The combination was incredibly relaxing, and he
soon felt himself drifting off. Half-asleep, he almost didn’t hear
Shanna’s "voice" in his mind.
/Sleep now, you'll feel better for it./
/Mmm,/ he replied sleepily. /Love you...../ And he was fast asleep.
/Sleep well, beloved,/ she said, leaning down and lightly kissing his
cheek. /Sweet dreams./
*********************************
Chapter 3: Anniversary Surprise
Part 1
Shanna woke the next morning to find that Qui-Gon had already left.
Disappointed, she rose and slipped into her robe, then headed into the
kitchen. She was pleasantly surprised to find a plate of fresh muffins
sitting on the counter. Next to the plate was a note. She picked it up
and read it.
"My Dearest Shanna,
Please forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye, but I had duties to
attend to that couldn’t wait. Meet me at the rings for lightsaber
practice. Enjoy your breakfast, and Happy Anniversary, my love. We will
celebrate tonight; I’ve already arranged with Master Arrad for you to
have the evening free. See you soon, darling.
My love, like the Force, is with you always,
Qui-Gon"
She smiled at the note. Searching along their link, she found him on his
way to the practice rings. Without warning, she sent him the mental
equivalent of a passionate kiss, causing him to hit the wall as he was
rounding a corner. He "heard" her giggle, and sent a mental glare back
at her.
/I see you’re awake,/ he thought wryly. /I’ll get you for that, just you
wait. You still have to come to practice./
/A Jedi thinks not of revenge,/ she replied impertinently.
/It’s won’t be revenge, it will be justice,/ he shot back. /See you at
practice./ He shook his head, and his tone softened. /I love you, Shan./
/I love you too, Qui. See you in about fifteen minutes, okay?/
/See you then./
Shanna ate a few muffins quickly, then got dressed and headed to the
practice area.
When she arrived, she saw that Qui-Gon had chosen the same ring where she
had lost the bet with Vrin. The significance of this was not lost on
her. She thought it was sweet, another touching reminder of their
anniversary.
They sparred for a while, neither losing much ground to the other. His
reach far outmatched hers, but she was more agile than he, lighter on her
feet, and her small size enabled her to duck under his reach at times.
Despite their differences in stature, they were a fairly evenly-matched
pair.
His was the greater strength and stamina though, and she began to tire.
She lunged forward, and he grinned. /Now,/ he thought to himself. As she
swung at him, he ducked the arc of her lightsaber, and then reached out
with the Force and stroked her clit, just once. She gasped and stumbled,
dropping her lightsaber, which deactivated. Qui-Gon reached out to
Shanna as her momentum carried her forward, catching her before she fell.
She looked up into his laughing blue eyes, glaring.
/That was a low blow, Qui-Gon Jinn!/
/Why Shanna,/ he replied, his mental tone teasing, /I believe you are
correct. That particular portion of your anatomy IS quite low on your
body...../
/YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!/
/I know,/he replied, his blue eyes sparkling, and he kissed her deeply.
/But you have to admit,/ he continued, projecting an image from his point
of view of her as she tripped, /THAT was justice./
She swatted half-heartedly at his arm as she was melting into his kiss.
/We should go. We have lessons,/ she said after a bit.
/I know./ Shanna "heard" his sigh. He pulled away.
"The Council said we couldn’t let our relationship interfere with our
studies," she admonished.
"I know," he repeated. "But if I had my way right now, I would take you
back to your quarters and....." He sent her a picture or two of what he
wanted to do.
"Qui, behave!"
"Very well." He sighed again, out loud this time. "I’ll pick you up at
your quarters an hour after lessons."
"For what?"
"For your surprise."
"What’s my surprise?"
"Ah-ah," he waggled his finger at her. "I’m not telling. You’ll just
have to wait and see." He walked out of the practice ring, leaving a
slightly annoyed Shanna to retrieve her lightsaber - /deja vu; didn’t I
do this a year ago?/ - and head home to change for her lessons.
*****
Qui-Gon was dismissed from his lessons about an hour before Shanna’s were
over. /Good;/ he thought, /that gives me time./
He went back to his quarters and pulled a wrapped bundle out of his
closet. Tucking it under his arm, he left again and went to Shanna’s.
He checked to make sure she was still occupied next door with her
lessons; he didn’t want her knowing he was there. She was concentrating
on what Master Arrad was saying and hadn’t noticed him. He palmed the
doorplate and went in quickly. Unwrapping the parcel, he hastily
arranged the contents of it. He made a few adjustments, and when they
were displayed to his satisfaction, he wrote a short note. Placing it on
top of one of the items, he left as swiftly as he had gone in.
*****
Shanna slipped inside her front door and sighed with relief. She sagged
against the inside of the door, eyes closed. She loved her lessons with
Master Arrad, but she just didn't have the patience for it today. Of
course, Master Arrad sensed this as soon as she had walked in the door.
/That's why he kept me late. Because he knew how anxious I was to get
done. Oh, well. Qui said an hour after lessons, and I only got out
fifteen minutes late. That still gives me forty-five minutes./
She opened her eyes, and gasped at what they saw.
"Wh-what the....."
She walked over to the wall and ran her hands over the material of the
dress that hung there. It was silk, the color of molten silver. She
plucked the folded piece of paper off the neckline of the strapless
dress, and read it.
"Shanna, my beloved,
I see you've found the first part of my surprise. I hope you like it; I
chose the fabric to go with your eyes, although it could never do their
beauty justice. Please, get dressed - don't forget the little box on the
table - and go to the east platform, the one my shuttle arrived at
yesterday. And, Happy Anniversary, love. See you soon.
With love eternal,
Qui-Gon"
"Box on the table?" She turned and, sure enough, there was a little
white satin-covered box sitting on her table. She walked over and picked
it up. Her eyes widened when she opened it. Inside was a pair of
earrings, each a single strand of silver chain with a tear-drop shaped
bit of obsidian at the end. Not exactly precious gems, but he knew how
much she loved that particular stone.
/Thank you, my love. They're beautiful,/ she sent to him.
/Not as beautiful as you,/ he replied. She could sense his happiness at
having pleased her. /Now get ready./
Glancing up at the chrono on the wall, she saw she had just enough time
to hop in the sonic shower. That done, she came out and slipped the
dress on. The material fell to her knees. It fit perfectly, sensually
hugging the curves of her torso and flaring out at her hips. She quickly
strapped on her silver high-heeled sandals, put the earrings on, and ran
a comb through her short hair. Then she noticed the sheer black wrap
laying across the back of the chair. She smiled and draped it over her
shoulders, and looked for her black purse.
/You won't need it, love. Just go./ She sensed his impatience, and
assenting, left for the platform.
She arrived within minutes, and saw Qui-Gon waiting for her near a taxi.
He was wearing gray trousers and a black tunic with a gray sash. His
hair was tied back with a black cord. He didn't see her approach.
"You look wonderful, Qui," she said as she came near. He turned, and his
breath caught at the sight of her.
/By the Force, she is beyond beautiful,/ he thought to himself. To her,
he said - once he recovered his voice - "And you," putting his arms
around her, "are positively stunning. In fact, you look good enough to
eat." To prove his point, he leaned down and lightly nibbled her neck,
sending shivers through her. Then he straightened up and sighed. "Alas,
I made other dinner plans for us, which we should probably keep. Maybe
dessert?" he asked, with a twinkle in his eyes.
"I like that idea," Shanna replied. She stood on tiptoe and pulled his
head down to kiss him. After a moment she pulled away. "Very much," she
continued.
"It's a date then. Now, we should go." He gestured towards the waiting
aircar.
They watched the sunset from the inside of the taxi as it sped on its
way. When they reached their destination, Qui-Gon paid the driver and
helped Shanna step out. Her eyes widened when she saw where they were.
It was the restaurant where they had met.
She hugged him. "Qui, you are such a romantic. This is so incredibly
sweet."
"I love you. Why don't we go in?" He held his arm out to her.
"Okay. I love you too." She took his proffered arm, and he led her in.
They were greeted and escorted to the same table they had sat at a year
ago, and menus were placed in front of them. They ordered, and then sat
waiting for the food to arrive. They chatted a bit, but Shanna noticed
that Qui-Gon seemed a little nervous. She decided not to say anything
just yet.
Qui-Gon was indeed nervous. He fingered the tiny satin box in his
pocket. /Soon,/ he thought to himself. /But how? Do I want to announce
it to everyone, to have an audience, or should I keep it quiet, between
us? I guess I'll just see what happens./
The waiter showed up with the food, and they fell to eating. As they
neared the end of the meal, Qui-Gon seemed to get more and more agitated.
It wasn't obvious, but to someone who knew him as well as Shanna did, it
was noticeable.
/I wonder what's wrong?/ she thought. She decided to ask him. "My love,
what has got you so worked up?"
"It's nothing, Shan; I'm fine."
She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Really, I'm all right. I'll tell you after we're done eating, okay? I
promise."
She sighed, but agreed, and they continued eating.
A little later, as the waiter was clearing the remains of their meal from
the table, Shanna leaned back in her seat.
"That was a wonderful meal, Qui, thank you."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it." He fidgeted for a moment, then stood up and
rounded the table until he was standing next to her.
"Shanna, I need to - that is, there's something very important that I
need to ask you."
She looked up at him, puzzled and a little concerned. His manner told
her not to push, though, to let him tell her at his own pace.
He pulled her chair out and turned it a little, and then stood in front
of her, left hand in his pocket. He looked down at her a moment before
he spoke.
"Shan, you know how much I love you. You are my world, my light. Only
the Order comes before you in my life." /Time to do this,/ he told
himself. Before she could react, he went down on one knee in front of
her, taking her right hand in his.
He opened all his shields to her, letting her see into his soul, so she
would know he was sincere, that this was what he wanted more than
anything. At the same time, he pulled the box out of his pocket and,
opening it with his thumb, held it out to her.
Taking a deep breath, he didn't hesitate. "Shanna Lynn, Jedi Padawan,
would you do me the incredible honor of being my wife?"
Her jaw dropped, and she stared at him in shock.
*********************************
Part 2
She recovered quickly, though. As her stunned mind finally registered
Qui-Gon's words, her face unfroze into an expression of smiling
astonishment, and she practically leapt out of her chair and flung her
arms around him.
"Yes, oh, Gods, Qui-Gon, yes!" she cried, her voice slightly muffled
since her face was buried in his shoulder. He heard her clearly enough,
though. Her mental voice was coming through quite clearly:
/YesyesyesohQuiofcourseIwillohIloveyousomuch...../
Smiling bemusedly, he held her, not quite daring to believe that she had
actually agreed to marry him. Then he noticed his shoulder growing damp.
He pulled away enough to see her face.
"Shan, love, why are you crying?"
/Oh, Qui, I'm just so happy, and I know that I'm being a silly,
blubbering female, but I just can't help it. I love you./ She smiled at
him through her tears.
/I love you too, more than anything,/ he replied, gently brushing a tear
away with his thumb. /Do you want to put this on now?/ he asked,
gesturing with the box.
/Of course./
He slid the ring out of the box. It was silver, with two tiny pieces of
obsidian set on either side of a small diamond. /I know the diamond
isn't very big, but -- /
/Hush, love. It's perfect; I love it./
He took her left hand, and as he slid it on to her finger, all around
them the restaurant erupted into sound. They looked around in surprise
at the other diners, who were applauding. Even the wait-staff and the
band had joined in. Qui-Gon turned back to Shanna and kissed her, and
the applause turned to cheers and shouts of congratulations.
/Shall we continue to entertain them, my love, or would you like to
dance?/ Qui-Gon asked her.
/I can think of something I'd prefer to do,/ she replied, projecting some
tantalizing images to him, /but maybe one dance./
/You are a mischievous little imp, do you know that? But I think I can
oblige you./
They broke the kiss, and he stood, helping her up as well. Then he led
her to the dance floor, and the band started playing something slow and
sweet. The restaurant's patrons returned to their meals.
They promptly lost themselves in the music as their bodies swayed to the
tempo. They were acutely aware of each other, of the press of their
bodies; of the other's touch in their own mind; of their love, needing no
words between them. They knew they wanted the same thing. As soon as
the song ended, they returned to the table; Qui-Gon paid the bill and
tipped the waiter while Shanna called for a taxi, and they left.
Back at the Temple, they made their way quickly to her dwelling. She let
them in, and they just stood there a moment, holding each other tightly.
"I love you," Shanna said softly, breaking the silence.
"And I love you, my beautiful little imp," he replied, his voice husky.
"Qui?"
"Yes, love?"
"Make love to me."
Needing no further urging, he picked her up and carried her to the
bedroom, setting her down on the bed. She stood up, though, and kissed
him, her tongue seeking entry to his mouth, which he granted. Her hands
worked off his sash and tunic with practiced speed. Then she reached up
and undid the cord tying his hair back, and the silken mass of it
cascaded around their faces. She could feel his arousal now as they
pulled away for air.
He kicked his boots off as Shanna started on his trousers as he
unfastened her dress. It slid to the floor and she was clad only in a
strapless bra and panties. She pushed his undergarments off with his
pants, so that he stood naked before her. He removed her bra and stroked
her breasts, as she began stroking his stiff, proud member. Qui-Gon
moaned quietly, and she pushed him down on the bed, making him lay back.
Straddling him, she kissed his nose and smiled. /An imp, hmm?/ She
pinned his arms and legs down with the Force. He fought it, but she was
the stronger in the Force, so it was to no avail. She proceeded to kiss
and nibble and lick all over his body, arousing, teasing. She worked her
way down from ear to navel, then to the top of his curls. Moving still
further down, she ran her tongue up the insides of his thighs. Her mouth
was everywhere, except where he really wanted it, and she knew it. Every
touch, every feather-light kiss, sent fire coursing through his body. He
moaned. This was torture.
"Shan," he managed to croak.
/You were the one who called me an imp. I'm just playing the part./
/Shan, please,/ he begged.
Qui-Gon suddenly felt the warm wetness of her mouth envelop his cock, as
she finally relented. He cried out as she swirled her tongue around the
tip and sucked gently. She took him in and then pulled back repeatedly,
her tongue concentrating on an especially sensitive spot on the
underside. His hips bucked as she increased her pace, bringing him close
to climax. She let go, ran her tongue up his length from base to tip,
and then moved up and captured his lips with hers. Still kissing him,
she released him.
Immediately he wrapped his arms around her and rolled so that he was on
top of her. "Two can play at that game, little one," he growled, holding
her arms above her head with the Force. Her legs received similar
treatment.
He caressed her breasts, her nipples hardening under his large hands. He
nibbled her earlobe, making her moan. Her neck he kissed and sucked at,
with a few soft bites interspersed. He kissed down her chest, then
swirled his tongue around her right breast, kissing and sucking, but
never once touching the nipple with his mouth. His finger imitated his
tongue on the opposite breast. Her breath was coming faster now and she
whimpered as he switched to the other breast, still avoiding the erect
nipple. She was panting now, and moaning.
Finally, his mouth clamped on a hardened nipple, making her gasp. His
touch sent electric shivers through her body. He moved to the other
nipple and sucked hard; Shanna cried out and felt a spurt of wetness
between her legs.
Qui-Gon looked up at her and grinned, then moved down to her mound. He
planted light kisses on her black curls, then spread her legs and did the
same to her inner thighs.
Slowly, he worked his way up her thigh, and after what seemed like an
eternity to her, he ran his tongue over her moist slit, tasting her. She
cried out when his tongue entered, and he moved it in and out, making her
writhe and moan. He withdrew, and his mouth found her clit; he sucked on
it, and she screamed and arched her back, raising her hips off the bed.
He slid two fingers into her and stroked, bringing on another rush of
fluid. He brought her near the edge; she was screaming and moaning,
tossing her head back and forth.
"Qui --" Her voice was barely a whisper.
/Qui -- / she repeated in his mind.
/Yes love?/ he asked, not pausing in his ministrations.
/Please, Qui --/ she trailed off, unable to finish, the intensity of the
sensations overwhelming her. He knew what she wanted, though.
Raising himself up, he positioned himself over her, placing his throbbing
member at her wet opening. He rubbed the tip against her clit, and she
cried out and arched her back. As her hips rose, he slid smoothly into
her.
Shanna wrapped her legs around his waist as he thrust into her, and she
sighed her happiness. He filled her so well, so completely. Their
voices rose as he moved in and out of her, increasing his pace as they
both neared climax. He kissed her then, his insistent tongue probing her
mouth, and he joined his mind to hers, pouring out all his love and
devotion for her. This unabashed show of emotion brought her arousal to
new heights, and her orgasm surged through her, her body shuddering from
the release. She opened herself up to him, as he had done, and he
climaxed a moment later, crying out her name as he came. Then he
collapsed on top of her with a contented sigh.
As they lay there, Shanna ran her fingers through Qui-Gon's long hair.
He rolled off of her, then gathered her up in his arms and held her
close.
/I love you, Qui-Gon Jinn./
/And I you, Shanna. Or should I say, the soon-to-be Mrs. Jinn?/
/I like the sound of that,/ she said, snuggling closer to him.
/When do you want to be married?/ he asked her.
/Soon,/ she replied. /As soon as possible./
/Then it shall be done,/ he said, kissing her nose. /My imp commands
it,/ he added with a grin.
At that, she grabbed a pillow from behind her and thwopped him with it.
A rousing pillow-fight ensued, with Qui-Gon -- who had resorted to
tickling -- the victor. They made love again, and then fell into an
exhausted, but contented, sleep.
*********************************
Chapter 4: A Wedding...
A month later, they were married. They declined a traditional Coruscant
wedding; they didn’t want anything that big or flashy. Or that LONG.
Depending on the version used, just the ceremony itself could take days.
They decided on a quaint and unique off-planet ceremony, one that was
simple but beautiful and could be adapted to take anywhere from several
hours to mere minutes. Qui-Gon’s asked a friend of his, a padawan by the
name of Mace Windu, to be the best man; Vrin, of course, was the maid of
honor, and Master Arrad gave Shanna away. They asked Master Yoda to
perform the ceremony, and he readily agreed.
The ceremony was elegantly simple. Qui-Gon wore a charcoal gray tunic
and trousers, and Mace wore the usual sand-colored ones. Their
lightsabers were clipped to their belts.
Shanna’s dress was actually a modified version of the standard Jedi
tunic; it’s hem reached the floor, turning it into a dress. It was light
gray in color. She wore her locket with the lock of his hair at her
throat, and the earrings he’d given her for their anniversary. Her short
black curls had a fine silver chain woven through them. Vrin’s dress was
simply cut, a soft blue that matched Qui-Gon’s eyes and set off the grays
beautifully.
The wedding was held in the meditation gardens, in a quiet glade. The
fountains provided soft accompaniment to their voices as they exchanged
vows - and rings, simple silver bands - and Master Yoda pronounced them
wed. The quiet peace of the gardens was shattered as the assembled
guests - all Jedi, their padawans or Temple staff - burst into cheers and
applause: Master Yoda had said "Kiss the bride, you may;" whereupon
Qui-Gon had promptly picked Shanna up and kissed her soundly. Vrin was
grinning broadly through her tears of joy for her best friend.
The reception was a merry affair. There were congratulations from
everyone as well as a myriad of gifts, which they set aside to open
later, in keeping with the customs they had chosen to observe.
They chose to honeymoon an Alderaan. The Council's gift to them was a
week in which to take their trip, to give them plenty of time to enjoy
themselves. Vrin and Mace had gotten together and sprung for a private
ship, so that they wouldn't have to take a public charter. "It's to give
you more time to enjoy each other," Vrin told Shanna and Qui-Gon with a
sly grin, after hearing the Council's reason for their gift.
And enjoy each other they did. They didn't get much sightseeing done.
*********************************
Chapter 5: A Reason To Celebrate
6 months later:
"You’ll do fine, love. You have no reason to be nervous." Qui-Gon sat
on the edge of the bed as he watched Shanna pack. It was hours before
dawn, but her transport would be leaving in an hour.
"I know, I know. It’s not like I haven’t done this before."
"And Master Arrad will be with you."
"I know," she repeated. "It’s just that up until now, any negotiations I
was a part of were always peaceful. But these people hate each other "
she trailed off as she folded the same tunic for the third time.
Shanna was strong in the Force, as strong or stronger than even Master
Yoda, although not by a lot. She was highly empathic; it was her
strongest Force sense, and why her training in diplomatic negotiations
had been emphasized. She received easily even through the tightest of
shields.
The mission had not been planned; the issue had reared its head suddenly,
but the need for action was immediate. The people in question were the
residents of two inhabited moons orbiting a gas giant, practically ready
to go to war over some tibanna gas mines. The two moons not being
particularly prime spots for tourists, the escalating situation had gone
unnoticed until a young man, visiting a friend who had moved there,
discovered the problem and reported it to the Temple as soon as he
returned to Coruscant. Master Arrad and Shanna had been summoned in the
middle of the night and told to prepare for a quick departure. That was
why she was packing with so little time to spare.
Qui-Gon got up, took the tunic from her, and folded her into his arms.
"You can do this, love. You *will* do this. I know it," he murmured
into her hair, inhaling her sweet scent.
She buried her face in his large chest. /Thank you, my love. I needed
to hear that./
/I know./ He tilted her chin up and looked in her eyes. /That is not
why I said it, though. I said it because it is true./
She smiled at him, and he leaned down and kissed her tenderly.
/I love you,/ she told him.
/I love you too, my beautiful wife./ A warm glow spread through her mind.
Even after six months, she still loved hearing him call her that. And
he loved being able to say it.
"Now let’s finish packing," he said, when they finally parted.
*****
An hour later, Qui-Gon stood on the East platform, watching Shanna’s
shuttle pull away. He pulled his cloak tighter in the chill
early-morning air.
"Come back safe to me, my love," he whispered. Despite his earlier
reassurances, he did maintain some misgivings about her safety. But they
were Jedi, they had duties, and sometimes they took risks when fulfilling
those duties.
Logically, he understood this, but all the same he was fiercely
protective of Shanna. He hated the thought of her going into danger.
His large finger played with the transparisteel locket around his neck, a
copy of the one she wore. She had given it to him after he had admired
hers and then complained that he had no place except his pocket or his
braid to keep the lock of hair she had given him.
/Ah, well. She’ll be back soon. I’m worrying for nothing./ He was
trying to convince himself of that, but it wasn’t working very well.
He sighed, and then he walked back to their quarters and went back to
bed.
*****
Two days later, Qui-Gon was just getting back from lightsaber practice
when he felt the slight mental "knock" that indicated that someone wanted
to speak to him.
/Go ahead,/ he said.
/To the Council Chambers you must come, my padawan,/ was the response.
Qui-Gon smiled. Even without the odd syntax, he would recognize his
Master’s mental tone anywhere. Even in the mind, it had that same
gravelly quality.
/On my way, Master Yoda./ He turned in the direction of the Chambers.
/Shower first,/ Master Yoda added, his mental tone colored with humor.
/Of course, Master,/ Qui-Gon replied sheepishly. He corrected his course
once more to go home, and proceeded to do as instructed.
*****
When he arrived, he was ushered in immediately. He stood in the center
of the room, bowed to the head of the Council, then bowed to his Master.
"Padawan Qui-Gon Jinn, this Council has decided that you are ready to
face the Trials," the head of the Council said without preamble.
Qui-Gon’s eyes widened in surprise, but he said nothing, and kept his
shields tight.
"Do you believe you are ready, Padawan?"
He bowed again. "Yes Master, I am ready."
"We shall see. Very well then. Let it begin."
*****
An eternity later, an exhausted Qui-Gon Jinn stumbled out of the Council
chambers and collapsed onto a nearby bench. He spent a moment just
catching his breath. When he had regained enough strength to do so, he
stood and paced the hallway, anxiously awaiting the Council’s decision.
/Reached our decision, we have,/ Master Yoda’s voice sounded suddenly in
his mind, startling. /Return now./
/Yes, Master./
He went in and knelt on one knee in the center of the room, facing his
Master.
"Passed the Trials, you have," Master Yoda said.
The head of the Council spoke. "The ceremony to officially confer upon
you the rank of Jedi Knight will be held in two days’ time.
Congratulations, Qui-Gon Jinn. You are dismissed."
Qui-Gon stood, bowed, thanked the Council, and left. Once into the
hallway, he collapsed once more onto the same bench, this time in relief
and elation.
/I’m to be knighted!/ he thought to himself. /I have to go tell Shanna!
We’ll celebrate - / He broke off abruptly, not feeling quite as happy
anymore. He had passed the Trials, was going to be Knighted, and she
wasn’t here to share his joy. His emotions warred within him.
His rumination was interrupted by a shuffle-click sound. He looked up
and saw Master Yoda coming towards him. He rose from the bench and knelt
in front of him, head bowed.
Master Yoda stopped inches from Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon looked up, into eyes
that were ancient and young at the same time. /Timeless, that’s what he
is,/ he thought to himself. /He has seen everything, and he will see
everything again. He is eternal./
"Immortal I am not, my padawan," Master Yoda scolded. Qui-Gon blushed
when he realized that he hadn’t been shielding his thoughts. Yoda’s
voice softened. "Done well you have. Proud of you I am," he said
gently. He needn’t have said anything; the pride and love in his voice
were clearly audible. Qui-Gon was touched. "Not much longer my padawan
will you be," Master Yoda continued. "Happy are you not?"
"Of course, Master Yoda. I’m delighted that the Council decided I was
ready, and I’m, well, thrilled to know that I will be Knighted in two
days."
"I sensed much sadness in you, when near I came. Explain, you will."
Qui-Gon hesitated.
"Show weakness, it does not, to admit you miss someone you love."
"Am I that obvious, Master?"
"Obvious that you love her? Yes. But not so obvious that you miss her.
Hide it well, you do. But know you, I do, Qui-Gon."
"Of course you do, Master Yoda."
"Return soon, she will. But speak to her through the Force you cannot?"
He asked reprovingly.
Qui-Gon’s eyes lit up. "Of course! I should have thought of that! I’ll
do that, right now." He was excited once more. They couldn’t celebrate,
but at least he would get to tell her. "Thank you, Master Yoda, for
reminding me."
Master Yoda smiled and patted Qui-Gon’s knee. "Go now. Tell her."
Qui-Gon thanked him again, and then hurried home to do just that.
He laid down on the bed and went into a light trance. Then he reached
out with the Force and search along their link until he found her.
He touched her mind gently. /Shanna, love?/ He felt surprise from her,
and then joy as she recognized him.
/Qui-Gon! Oh, my love, I miss you!/
/I miss you too, imp,/ he said with a mental smile. / I have news to
give you./
/What is it?/ She could sense his excitement.
/I passed the Trials. I’m to become a Knight!/
/Oh, Qui, that’s wonderful! When is the ceremony?/
/In two days./
/Oh good, we’ll be home in time./
/Really?/
/Yes, we’ll be back tomorrow./
/Shan, love, you have just made me a very happy man./
Her mental tone suddenly became suggestive. /Just wait till I get home,
and I’ll make you even happier./
/Mmm. I love you. Where are you right now?/
/In the middle of a meeting. We’ve finished negotiations, and a treaty
is being drawn up. In fact, I should go. I think Master Arrad is going
to need me soon. I love you, Qui! We’ll celebrate when I get home, I
promise./
/I’ll hold you to that./
/I would much prefer if you held me to the bed,/ she said, projecting a
few vivid images of her naked on their bed.
/That’s my imp; always a tease./ In truth, he was suddenly very much
aroused and wishing very much that she was there. /You’d better stop
that, or I’ll have to retaliate./
/Oh, retaliate how?/ she said, sending him a particularly enticing
picture.
/Like this./
Her breath hitched as she suddenly felt two of his fingers inside of her,
stroking her sweet spot, and then hitched again as another Force-finger
began rubbing her clit.
/QUI-GON!/
/Yes?/ he asked. She could almost see his raised eyebrow and evil grin.
/Stop it!/ her mental voice hissed. /I’m in the middle of a meeting, and
I’m going to embarrass myself and Master Arrad if you don’t stop!/
Feeling slightly smug, he stopped. /That’s what you get for being a
tease/ His tone sobered somewhat. /You know I wouldn’t jeopardize your
meeting./
/I know, love,/ She sighed. /I’d better go,/ she said sadly.
/I know. I’ll see you soon. I love you./
/I love you too, Qui-Gon. Get some sleep./ Her touch faded, and he began
to drift off. He fought it for a bit, until he realized that he was
losing.
/I hate it when she does this to me.../
*****
They did indeed celebrate his achievment when she returned, and he did
hold her to the bed - and the floor, and the wall, and the chair...
The next day was the ceremony. It was a simple affair, with only a few
friends attending. Shanna was there, of course, and he had invited Mace
Windu as well. He knelt in the Center of the Council chamber, as Master
Yoda reached up and cut his braid off. A few words were exchanged, he
was pronounced a Jedi Knight, received congratulations from the Council
members, and that was that.
He walked over to Shanna, who was standing with Mace off to one side, and
she bowed to him. "Congratulations, Knight Jinn," she said formally,
with laughter in her eyes.
"You’re an imp," he growled, grabbing her in a rough hug.
"Congratulations, my love."
He let her go, and then pressed the braid into her hand. "I want you to
have this," he said softly.
"I’m honored."
Mace got tired of all the sentimentality, so he chose that moment to
pound Qui-Gon on the back and congratulate him. The three chatted in the
corner until they were dismissed, and then left. They parted then; Mace
went to go spread the news that his best friend was now a Knight, and
Shanna and Qui-Gon went to go celebrate some more.
*********************************
Chapter 6: "I Have A Bad Feeling About This."
"I don’t want you to go." She glared at him from over by the window in
their bedroom.
Qui-Gon sighed. They had been arguing about this since the night before.
"Darling, you know I have to go. Orders are orders."
It was Shanna’s turn to sigh. "I know, my love. That’s still doesn’t
mean I have to like it."
He walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her, and tilted her head
up by her chin gently until he could gaze into her quicksilver eyes.
"No, it doesn’t," he replied, "but it does mean that you have to accept
it. We are Jedi, Shanna. That comes first. Always."
"I know," she repeated. She pulled away from him and stared out the
window, not really seeing anything. "Qui-Gon, I’m not being selfish
here, I swear. I just...I really don’t think you should go."
"Why, Shanna?" Then he was suddenly looking at her intently. "Have you–
have you had a vision?" he asked.
"N-o, not exactly. More like nightmares." She shivered when she thought
of the dreams she had been having for the past week. There were no
images, just sensations and vague sounds. There was a deep rumbling
noise, and the feeling of shaking and then falling, and pain; and of
voices crying out in fear, screams; and then complete darkness, silence.
And the feel of death all around. She shook herself, breaking away from
those thoughts. "Just nightmares," she whispered.
"Are you all right, Shan?" Qui-Gon asked, concerned. He placed a hand on
her shoulder. At that moment she seemed so fragile, so vulnerable, that
he wanted to take her in his arms and comfort and protect her from
whatever was frightening her, but he sensed that it was not the right
time just then. Soon, but not yet. "I didn’t know you were having
nightmares."
"I blocked them from you. I didn’t want to worry you."
Now was the right time. He pulled her into his embrace and kissed the
top of her head. "Love, I worry more when you don’t tell me. I wondered
what was wrong, but I wasn’t going to pry."
/I’m sorry, love. I should have told you./
/All is forgiven, my little imp./ He smiled down at her, and she
returned it with a tiny smile of her own.
She took a deep breath, and changed the subject. "So, what is this
mission about?"
"Well, surprisingly enough, it’s not something we usually do. It’s a
planetary evacuation. I can’t pronounce the planet’s name, but
apparently its sun is going nova. About thirty of us are going."
"Why so many? And why are the Jedi involved at all? Surely the Republic
fleet can handle an evacuation, can’t they?"
"Normally, yes, but apparently the people of the planet – near-humans -
do not or cannot speak, nor do they hear in the way humans do. They
communicate telepathically. The Jedi are needed to communicate with
them, to give them instructions, and so forth."
"Ah, I understand. So when do you leave?"
The Council had just told him that morning. "Tonight."
Her face fell. "So soon." He nodded. "How long will you be gone?"
"Three weeks. Three days to get there, two weeks for the evacuation, and
three days to get back." He didn’t add what they were both thinking:
/IF nothing goes wrong./ "The star is due to go nova in six standard
weeks, so we have plenty of time."
"I’ll miss you. I wish I was a Knight so I could go with you."
"You will be a Knight soon, love. I can feel it. And I won’t be gone
that long."
"I don’t know, Qui-Gon. I have a bad feeling about this."
/Hush, love. I’ll be fine./
/If you say so./
She dropped the subject and helped him pack until she had to leave for
her lessons with Master Arrad.
*****
That evening at sunset, Shanna and Qui-Gon stood on the East platform,
awaiting the arrival of the shuttle that would take him and the others to
their transport. They stood with their arms around each other, not
speaking, neither wanting to let go. As the shuttle eased up to the
landing, he broke their silence.
"Time to go." he said. All around them, friends and loved ones were
exchanging farewells.
"Yeah, I suppose it is."
"I’ll be home soon, love. I’ll miss you."
"I’ll miss you too."
Suddenly finding themselves at a loss for words, silence fell between
them once more. Then Qui-Gon leaned down and kissed Shanna gently. She
kissed him back urgently, with an intensity that surprised him, and he
felt wetness on his cheek.
He pulled away. "Shanna, what’s wrong?"
/I’m sorry. I just…all of a sudden I feel like I’m never going to see
you again./
/Oh, love, you will see me again, I swear it./
/I know, I’m just being foolish./ She dried her eyes with the sleeve of
her tunic. /Just kiss me again and I won’t say another word about it./
He kissed her tenderly then, and was still kissing her when Master Yoda’s
voice interrupted.
"Time to go, it is, Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon straightened up and, his eyes never leaving Shanna’s face,
replied, "I’m on my way, Master Yoda."
Yoda seemed to accept his answer and shuffled away.
"I have to go now," said Qui-Gon.
"I know. I love you."
"And I love you. I’ll see you in three weeks."
She smiled at him, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. "Of course."
He gave her a searching look, and then turned and boarded the waiting
shuttle. He stopped at the top of the ramp and turned and waved to her.
/I love you!/
She waved back. /I love you too./ He disappeared into the shuttle.
"Goodbye, Qui-Gon," she whispered. She watched the shuttle fly off with
a troubled heart.
*********************************
Chapter 7: Another Knight, Another Nightmare
Eighteen days after Qui-Gon and Vrin left on the mission, Shanna was
summoned to the Council chamber and informed that she was to go through
the Trials. She passed, and the ceremony was scheduled for four days
hence, the day after the group was due back from the evacuation mission.
Afterwards, Master Arrad took her aside in the hall and asked if he could
have a few words with her.
"I am proud of you, Shanna," he said softly.
"Thank you, Master Arrad."
"You deserve it. I will miss having you as my padawan; it was a learning
experience for me as well. But you have grown up. You are stronger in
the Force than even Master Yoda, that will open up many opportunities for
you. Maybe even a Council seat, eventually." He hugged her. "Juts take
care that you don’t let it go to your head," he said, smiling.
"I haven’t yet," she replied with an answering grin.
"Well, since you’re obviously about to fall over with exhaustion, I’ll go
so that you can stop putting on a tough front for my sake and sit down."
He held up a hand at her protests. "Shanna, you’re not fooling anyone.
I remember what it’s like; I’ve been there, remember? Now go get some
rest."
"Yes Master Arrad," she replied with a sheepish grin. She thanked him,
and he hugged her again, and then he left. As soon as he was out of
sight, she slid down the wall to the floor and sat. It took her a while,
but she finally summoned enough energy to make it to her quarters. Once
safely there, she flopped down on the bed, still fully clothed, and fell
into an exhausted sleep.
*****
"Nooooooooooooooo!!" Shanna sat bolt upright in bed, shaking. Her
clothes were damp with sweat. It had been that same dream again: the
shaking and falling, pain and death. Except it had been much more
intense this time. She blinked in the darkness, and tried some
meditation exercises to try and calm herself. It wasn’t working very
well; a feeling of uneasiness wouldn’t leave her. She got up and stood
at the window, looking out at the Temple grounds. She felt a chill go up
her spine, and she shivered, growing more concerned. She felt along
their link for him, but found…nothing. Alarmed now, she sought out Vrin,
but all she got in response was a curt /Later./ Vrin was preoccupied
with something important, but Shanna could also tell that she was upset.
Something was VERY wrong. But there was nothing she could do; all she
could do was wait. "Qui-Gon," she whispered.
*********************************
Chapter 8: The Bearer Of Bad News
Shanna sat in stunned silence as she listened to Vrin recount the events
of the mission. She stared straight through Vrin, seeing nothing, not
wanting to believe what her best friend was telling her. Finally, she
spoke.
"No," she said softly.
"I’m sorry, Shan. Not even Master Yoda can sense him. You told me
yourself that you can’t, and you’re the strongest one at the Temple, and
plus you have your bond with him. Shanna, he’s gone."
"No. He can’t be; the bond is still there, I can feel it."
"Hon, you’re just in de—"
Shanna interrupted her. "Don’t start with the denial crap. I am NOT in
denial!"
"Yes you are! Qui-Gon is dead, Shanna, and you can’t accept that, so
you’re imagining things." Vrin began to cry. "I saw him fall, I watched
it happen, and there wasn’t anything I could do! I was too far away, and
it happened too fast; he was there one second and he was gone the next.
I’m sorry, but I can’t change the facts. He is gone, Shanna, and he’s
not coming back!"
"Get out," Shanna said softly, quietly. Vrin made no move to leave, she
just sat there with the tears streaming down her face.
"GET OUT!!!" Shanna screamed. A chair flew up and shattered against the
wall across the room.
"Shan…"
"Just go, Vrin." She wouldn’t look at her friend; she just stared at the
broken splinters of the chair. Vrin stood, and giving Shanna one last
look of sympathy, she left her best friend’s home.
She met Mace outside; he’d been waiting for her.
"How did she take it?"
"Not well. I think she just needs to be alone for a little while, but
I’m worried about her."
"Me too, Vrin," he replied, pulling her into an embrace. "Me too."
*****
Shanna sat and brooded for a long time, replaying Vrin’s words over and
over in her mind. There had been an earthquake during the last part of
the evacuation, and a great fissure had opened up beneath a group of Jedi
and evacuees. They had lost several Jedi, and many more had been injured
in the quake. Qui-Gon had been one of the first ones to fall; and no one
who had fallen had survived.
At least she understood her dream now.
She believed that he was gone, as much as she didn’t want to. There had
been nothing at his end of their bond for several days now, and she was
beginning to think that Vrin was right, that she was just imagining that
the link was even still there.
She wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. She felt numb. She didn’t know
why; she just sat there, staring at the ruined chair. She was still
there when morning came.
*********************************
Chapter 9: …And A Funeral
The memorial service was held three nights later, in the Temple gardens.
All the dead were being honored; family members and friends spoke for
each, and even Shanna managed to get up and say a few words. Afterwards,
everyone stayed and milled around for awhile, expressing their sympathies
to those who had lost a loved one.
~By the shadows of the night I go
I move way from the crowded room
That sea of shallow faces masked in warm regret
They don’t know how to feel, they don’t know what is lost~
Shanna smiled and thanked those that approached her, but inside she just
wanted to escape the press of people. Everyone knew how she felt, they
were all sorry for her loss, and she wanted to laugh. No one could know
how she felt, they were all just going through the motions, being polite;
it sickened her, and she just wanted to leave. But Master Arrad cornered
her at one point, wanting to share his sympathy as well.
"You may not be my padawan any longer, Shanna, but I am still here for
you if you need me."
She favored him with a strained smile. "I know, Master Arrad. Thank
you, but I’ll be fine."
"I think you will. You were always a strong one. And you know the old
saying: 'It's better to have loved and lost.…’"
"’…Than to never have loved at all.’ Yes, Master, I know it." She gave
him the same strained smile and excused herself. /I hate that quote,/
she thought with vehemence, careful to keep the thought form leaking
through her shields. She moved into the shadows and slowly started
working her way away from everything and everyone. She finally managed
to slip away into the darkness of the gardens, unnoticed.
~I want it all to go away, I want to be alone
Sympathy’s wasted on my hollow shell
I feel there’s nothing left to fight for
No reason for a cause
And I can’t hear your voice, and I can’t feel you near
Lost in the darkness of a land
(Where all the hope that’s offered is)
Memories of being taken by the hand
(And we are led into the sun)
But I don’t have a hold on what is real
(Though we can only try)
What is there to give or to believe?~
She tightened her shields and hurried out of the gardens, heading back to
her quarters. She had a few preparations to make.
*****
Once she was back at home, she packed a few things into a small knapsack:
some clothing that wasn’t Jedi attire, used for undercover work in the
past, plus her dresses, which weren’t practical, but she couldn’t bear to
part with them. She threw in a few other small items of sentimental
value, but kept to the bare essentials otherwise. She tucked her credit
chip and the credits she had into a pocket on the inside of her tunic.
She clipped her lightsaber to her belt. She went to the bureau, set her
bag down on top, and pulled a vibroblade out of a drawer. Before she put
in her pack, though, she paused, looking at her reflection in the mirror
above the dresser. She turned on the blade and brought it up towards her
neck, and with one swift slice, it was done.
She switched the knife off and stared thoughtfully at the severed braid
in her hand as she figured out what to do with it. Satisfied with what
she decided, she added the vibroblade to her pack and tucked the braid in
her sash. She would drop it off on her way out. She took one more look
around, and not seeing anything more that she needed, she threw her robes
around her shoulders and left her home. She didn’t look back.
She made one stop before she left; she went to Vrin’s quarters and left a
note on her pillow that said simply "Goodbye." On top of it she laid her
braid. She called a cab from Vrin’s com, and left. She headed for the
East platform where the taxi was waiting for her. She told the driver to
take her to a decent hotel, one that wasn’t too close to the Temple. As
he took off, she sealed her shields tight to keep anyone from finding
her. She knew they would be looking for her soon, if they weren’t
already. She watched as the Jedi Temple drew further and further away,
and for the first time since she had received the bad news, Shanna cried.
*****
The search for Shanna was intensive, but it was soon clear that it was
useless. She was stronger in the Force than any at the Jedi Temple,
including Yoda. If she didn’t want to be found, they weren’t going to
find her. After a while, even Vrin gave up.
*********************************
Chapter 10: A Little Too Late
It was early morning on that part of Coruscant. The large man stumbled a
bit as he stepped from the shuttle’s ramp to onto the East platform of
the Jedi Temple. He was in bad shape; his clothes were barely
recognizable as Jedi garb, he had two week’s growth of beard, and he was
cut and bruised up pretty badly. In short, he looked like he’d been
trampled by a herd of banthas. Or maybe chewed on by a rancor.
As he made his way further into the Temple grounds, he encountered
someone he knew. The young padawan blanched, and ran off. Soon the news
had spread throughout the Temple:
Qui-Gon Jinn was back from the dead.
Vrin ran out of the mess hall when the rumor reached her. She cast about
for his Force signature and soon found it.
/It's true!/
She headed straight for him, and turned a shade paler herself when she
finally found him.
"Qui-Gon?"
He turned towards her at the sound of her voice. "Vrin?"
"Yeah, it's me. Is it really you?"
"In the flesh. Where’s Shanna?"
"Umm, I’m not sure where she is right now," she hedged. "Why don’t we
get you to the healers first? You look like something the vornnskr
dragged in."
He started to protest, but stopped short as he collapsed to the ground in
a heap.
*****
Qui-Gon woke up in the infirmary some time later, looking and feeling
considerably better. Vrin was sitting next to his bed, her hands
fidgeting with some string or something.
"So are you going to tell me how you managed to come back from the dead?"
she asked.
He explained that, when he fell, he got caught on a ledge about twenty
feet down. He lost consciousness but regained it later long enough to
levitate himself out of the fault and back up to the surface. The effort
was enough to make him black out again, but not before he managed to set
up a distress signal from his comlink. A merchant ship that was
following the refugee convoy picked up his signal and came back and
picked him up. He spent the entire trip unconscious, not even having
enough strength to put himself in into a Jedi healing trance. They had
dropped him off here on Coruscant, and he’d managed to catch a shuttle to
the Temple.
His story told, he realized that something was wrong.
"Vrin, where is Shanna? Why isn’t she here? Didn’t you tell her I was
back?"
Vrin tried to speak calmly and soothingly. "You have to remember,
Qui-Gon, we all thought you were dead. Shanna took it very hard; she…she
couldn’t cope with it very well and…"
"And what?" He was sitting up now, looking at her with suspicion.
"She’s gone, Qui-Gon. She left the night of the memorial service,
slipping away before anyone knew. She didn’t take much, and she left
this. I think you should keep it." She held out a hand, and he saw what
it was her hands had been playing with: it was Shanna’s braid. Slowly he
reached out and took it from her.
"Nobody knows where she is; no one, not even Master Yoda, has been able
to find her. You know how strong she is; if she’s hiding herself like
this, no one is going to be able to find her."
Qui-Gon laid back, and gently fingering the braid, he reached out along
his bond to Shanna. He found nothing. It was as if she wasn’t there.
She wasn’t dead, the link would be severed if she was, but there was just
a blank space at her end. Baffled, he related his discovery to Vrin.
"Yeah, that’s all that Master Yoda and I got, and the rest didn’t even
get that much. She’s disappeared."
He stared at the ceiling. "Vrin, could you give me some time alone?" he
asked softly.
"Of course, Qui-Gon. If you need me, just ask one of the healers and
someone will come get me." She gave his hand a squeeze as she stood, and
left.
"Shanna," he whispered at the ceiling. /You couldn’t have waited just a
little bit longer? And now you’re hiding so well, even I can’t find you
to tell you that I’m not dead…Why? Why did you have to leave? Why
couldn’t you have waited?"/
His heart felt like it was in a million pieces, and they all hurt. He
rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. He never noticed the
growing dampness.
"Where are you, Shanna?"
*****
Even though he knew it was in vain, Qui-Gon continued to search for her
for several weeks before he finally gave up. His grief changed him; he
became aloof, reserved, even towards his closest friends. He cleaned out
the quarters he had shared with Shanna and got rid of everything that had
been hers. The only thing he kept was the locket, in which he kept her
padawan braid along with the lock of hair she had given him originally.
He didn’t wear it; he kept it in a small wooden box in his bedside table,
and occasionally, when the mood struck him, he would take it out and look
at it for a while, and remember.
*********************************
Epilogue
The small figure in the gray cloak approached the gate where the liner
was docked. The guard stopped her at the gate and asked for her
identification.
Her fingers twitched slightly, and she said quietly, "that won’t be
necessary, I may take my ticket and board."
The guard acquired a slight faraway look in his eyes. "Nevermind, I don’
need it; here’s yer ticket, go on and get aboard."
She thanked him and gracefully boarded the ship. She gritted her teeth
as she took her seat; she hated doing that, but she had to get off
Coruscant, at least for a while.
She cringed inwardly when another passenger took the seat next to her.
He was a young Bothan, and he looked like he wanted to talk. Sure
enough, he tried to strike up a conversation with her. He pelted her
with nonstop chatter as they headed out of the atmosphere, and finally he
asked her name.
Her mind worked frantically as she tried to think of something. She
hadn’t quite gotten that far, as she hadn’t needed to use a name at all
yet, let alone an alias. Then her eye caught the patchwork pattern of
the bag he’d brought on board, and she said the first thing that popped
into her head.
*****
2 years later…
Home. After two years of traveling, she was finally going home, back to
Coruscant. When she left in such a rush, she never thought she would
miss it so much. But it felt good to be going back.
She’d caught a ride on a freighter that was headed to Coruscant; the
accommodations weren’t great, but it was cheap, and it was a straight
trip there, no stops along the way. She was lucky to have found the guy.
They were in hyperspace, and she was taking a nap when the explosion
rocked the ship and knocked her out of her bunk. She headed up to the
front to find out what was going on.
The pilot was frantically at work trying to quiet all the alarms going
off. She was nearly run over by the copilot, who was heading towards the
rear of the ship at a dead run.
"What’s going on, captain?"
"Not sure ‘sactly. Somethin’ blew in the back, knocked us outta
hyperspace. The hyperdrive’s fine, just a tad overheated, but ev’rythin’
else is goin’ haywire. Don’ worry, we’ll have ‘er fixed up soon. Keb’s
the best mechanic I know, as well as bein’ the best copilot." He turned
back to the controls.
She could see she wasn’t going to get anything more out of him, so she
headed back to her bunk. She didn’t even bother to try with the copilot;
he never talked, and she had been half convinced that he was mute until
she’d heard him swearing at a recalcitrant piece of equipment. So she
lowered herself down and picked up her nap where she’d left off.
When she woke up later, naturally this time, they were moving through
hyperspace again. She thought about finding out what had happened, but
decided she didn’t really care. She did call up to the cockpit on the
intercom, though, to find out how much longer the trip was going to be.
She was informed that they were just a few hours away from Coruscant.
She thanked the pilot and sat down on her bunk again. She spent the rest
of the trip meditating.
When they disembarked on Coruscant a few hours later, she had the
distinct feeling of something being wrong. It wasn’t anything specific,
and it wasn’t any danger, it was just a feeling of wrongness. After a
bit, when she couldn’t identify the reason, she shrugged it off,
attributing it to just being gone for so long. She caught a cab to a
hotel and made arrangements for an apartment. When asked what her name
was, she gave the name she’d given the Bothan on the liner, the one she’d
been using for the past two years:
"It's Patches."
*********************************
~Fin~