Archive: Gossamer, and anywhere else as long as my name's kept on it!

Disclaimer: Ahem. Let's all sing along! Chris Carter, oh can't you see? I know they don't belong to me. They belong to Ten Thirteen. Mulder and Scully and all the rest, they are the best. I'm borrowing them with utmost respect; they'll be home before you guess. And now I will call this lame song to a rest.

Author's notes: Once again, the product of a strange inspiration lies below this note. Only a basic understanding of Star Wars is needed. As long as you know what a lightsabre is and who the Jedi are you'll be fine. Special thanks go to my betas- Crysta, Astoria, and Mrs. H and to my friends and crew on the USS TrustNo1. The Lone Gunpersons rule!

"Playing Jedi II - The Skinner Menace"
by Gillian Taylor

SCULLY: Alright, Mister, put up your lightsabre!

MULDER: Uh...Scully.

SCULLY: ((giggles))Not that one!

MULDER: Oooh, Dana Scully giggles.

SCULLY: Yeah, wanna make something of it, Braid-Boy?

MULDER: Surely you knew, Scully. I'm a Jedi Knight now.

SCULLY: Uh-huh. Then where's your beard?

MULDER: Beard?

SCULLY: Yes, beard. Surely you've noticed that the Jedi have beards except for Padawan Obi-Wan.

MULDER: I like it when you talk Star Wars to me Scully.

SCULLY: Really? Then lift up your lightsabre like a good boy and prepare for a duel!

MULDER: A duel of the fates?

SCULLY: Now that was lame.

MULDER: Hey! Don't blame me, I was pressed for time!

SCULLY: Draw or die Agent Mulder.

MULDER: Yes ma'am. Uh...Scully?

SCULLY: Yes?

MULDER: Why are we doing this?

SCULLY: We're playing Jedi, you twit. Surely you couldn't have forgotten the last time...

MULDER: Who could have forgotten? It was great.

SCULLY: Just great?

MULDER: Wonderful, spectacular, awe-inspiring...

SCULLY: Keep talking Braid-boy and I might let you live.

MULDER: Stupendous, exciting, stimulating...

SCULLY: Good boy, you've got it down pat. I've got you taught well.

MULDER: So now you're the Master?

SCULLY: ((in mock Yoda voice)) Always two there are: the Master and the Apprentice.

MULDER: Why do you get to be the Master?

SCULLY: 'Cause I'm more experienced at this than you are.

MULDER: Don't tell me you and Skinner...

SCULLY: Ewwww!

MULDER: Guess not.

SCULLY: Though he does have a nice rear.

MULDER: Hey!

SCULLY: So do you, Mulder. ((soft slap))

MULDER: Gee, you're getting more tactile.

SCULLY: It's all part of the entire Jedi routine. Surely you knew how the Masters trained their Padawans...

MULDER: And how's that?

SCULLY: You will kiss me.

MULDER: Hey! That's my line.

SCULLY: You will kiss me.

MULDER: Scully...

SCULLY: You will kiss me.

MULDER: What if I say no?

SCULLY: No? ((shocked voice))

MULDER: What if...I decided to kiss Skinner instead?

SCULLY: Now that's just wrong.

MULDER: Hey, I happen to think that he has a nice rear too.

SCULLY: ((laughter)) Mulder!

MULDER: I always was one to appreciate a nice piece of ash ((leer))

SCULLY: Mulder, for your information this is a lightsabre, not a 'piece of ash.'

MULDER: Really?

SCULLY: Really. Now put up or shut up! I'm going to have my duel!

MULDER: So who's the dark lord of the Sith in this fight?

SCULLY: There are no Siths in this game!

MULDER: No? Then who's the representative of all that is evil?

SCULLY: Cancerman, obviously.

MULDER: Nope, wrong! Skinner.

SCULLY: Skinner?! He's not the 'bad guy.'

MULDER: Well I say he is.

SKINNER: I'm the bad guy now, am I?

MULDER: Uh...Hello, sir.

SCULLY: Hi sir.

SKINNER: Hello Agents. Now what's this about me being the representative of all evil?

SCULLY: Well...its actually Cancerman sir, and...

SKINNER: Save it Agent Scully. Now it appears that you two have lightsabres. In the FBI building.

MULDER: Uh...yes sir.

SKINNER: Were you planning on dueling in here?

SCULLY: Well...

SKINNER: I hope that your reports are completed.

SCULLY: Oh they are sir.

SKINNER: Good. You see I happen to have a lightsabre of my own...

MULDER: Ooooh nice Darth Maul lightsaber, sir.

SKINNER: I thought it was appropriate. So Agents...

M&S: Sir? ((chorus))

SKINNER: En guarde.

THE END

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