Title: Leave-taking
Author: Beckymonster
Rating: G (bloody hell! See - told you I wasn't okay!)
Feedback: Oh yes please - I need cheering up!
Archiving: Not at the moment, depends
Descriptors: Angst, POV
Summary: Amidala's thoughts as she leaves home for the last time
Thanks: To the SWC_Council for putting up with me - MJ especially! and to the Sith_Chicks, I may not be the greatest Listmom - but I am proud to be looking after you lot!
Disclaimer - not mine, wish it was, Georges, no moneys!


"Your Majesty? It is time"
I turn towards the speaker. At the door of my chambers, stands Captain Marcus Panaka, my protector of many years standing. His night dark hair now has strands of grey, gathered through years of service to me.
I am not surprised that he has chosen to undertake this one final errand for me. I stand and walk to the large windows. I am ready, but I do not want to go.
I knew that this day would come. I knew and had made arrangements. Even so, now it is here, is difficult to go on.
I should have known, from the moment that he accused me of loving Obi-Wan that it would come to this. Maybe it went back further to when Sidious stated that he would watch his career with great interest. I cannot call him by his other name, I curse the day that I ever met the man… that is all past now – what matters now is the future.
When he broke our bond – I almost lost my mind. The bond that had begun when we were still both courting was ripped apart as if it was made out of the thinnest of paper. Then I knew that he was no longer my Anakin. He belonged to something darker.
I can't remember much about those dark times – nothing apart from hearing someone screaming, piteous wailing and then realising that it was I. I was screaming and crying, then being cradled in brown and cream cloth before blackness took me.
They later told me that I was in a catatonic state for nearly three days. When I roused, Obi-Wan was slouched in a near by chair, keeping vigil by my side, asleep. I did not wake him immediately, because I could sense something.
Two presences.
It was later that I found out what those presences were. I was pregnant, with twins.
That was the impetus to make arrangements. Not because of my own life, but because of those that I carried.
Everything that I held dear was being destroyed. The Republic and all that it stood for had been swept away by Sidious, the Jedi, my friends and allies were being hunted down and murdered like common criminals. It would only be a matter of time before the darkness came to claim Naboo once more.
Naboo. My home. I stared out of the window at the waterfalls, at the lush greenery of home, doing my damnedest to etch the vista onto my heart, for soon I would be looking at a new landscape.
The Organas, having be notified of my plight by Obi-Wan, had offered me sanctuary. I gratefully accepted. Obi-Wan and I have discussed the future of the twins already. One I will entrust to the Organas, the other Obi-Wan will guard on Tatooine.
I lower my head, fighting back the tears. Tatooine. I wish to the gods I had never heard of that dark planet!
No. I will not give in so easily. #The dark shall never win.# I think, lowering my hand to my stomach. #If I cannot finish the fight, then I entrust you, my loves to do it for me.#
I looked up to Naboo once more. Yes, I had abdicated, but it was, as ever for the good of Naboo, as was running from the Trade Federation all those years ago. I would remember the peace I had known and treasure it all of my days. I would instill it in my children and maybe one day they too would restore that peace.
I turned away from that I loved so dearly.
"Thank you old friend. I was just saying goodbye."



Fini.