Title: Evyl Obi comes home
Author: ShellyFett
Rating: Pg I guess. I have no sense of ratings.
Summary: Maul and Xanatos try their hand at Fanfic,
and accidentally create a new character.
Disclaimer: Don't own SW. If i did, i'd be rich,
old, have gray hair, wear too much flannel, and be
best friends with Steven Spielberg.
Feedback: please?
NOTE: this is part of the Metaverse series. Anyone
who dosen't know what the Metaverse is, feel free to
ask me to explain.
------------


“It was a gray knight the day the exil padawan was
born...” 
“No, that’s terrible!” Xanatos complained, reading
over Maul's shoulder. Darth Maul growled, turning the
computer screen
away from Xan. “It’s my story,” he defended. Xanatos
sighed, “First, try typing without the gloves. 
Second, use the word processor, and perhaps try
actually reading what you’re typing. Even Sith
shouldn’t
be allowed to use bad grammar.” Maul mimed him
silently in mocking, “Sith can do what they damn
well please,” he snapped aloud. “Well, if the Sith
wants to butcher the English language, then go ahead,
but I’m not helping,” Xanatos said, walking away. He
flopped onto the couch, and Maul looked at him
strangely, then at the screen.
“I am not doing that bad, and I don’t need your
help,” Maul said, tapping at the spacebar
thoughtfully. “No, of course not, I wasn’t suggesting
I help. You’re very well capable of writing a simple
story yourself,” Xanatos said, propping his boots on
the arm of the sofa. “I wasn’t asking for help, and
you know Qel-Droma doesn’t like you putting your feet
on the furniture,” Maul said. Xanatos stomped
his feet in a mock-dance on the arm of the sofa, then
crossed his legs and looked over at Maul with a
smirk. Maul shook his head, returning to his typing.
After a few moments of poking at the keys, he glanced
up at Xanatos, then back to the keys. 
After a few more moments of alternating typing and
glances, Maul finally sighed and folded the screen
down on top of the portable’s keyboard. “Want help?”
Xanatos asked. Maul nodded, opening the
computer and turning it toward Xanatos as he hopped
off the couch. Xan dragged a chair over, studying
the screen. “An evil clone of Obi-wan? Now this
could be interesting...” he said, reading. He started
chuckling, then looked up at Maul’s nervous
expression. 
“How about we co-write it? I type, and you help
create,” Xan said. Maul smiled, “Sounds good
to me,” he said, and Xan turned the screen so that
they could both see it.

------------------------------
Evil-Wan Kanobi, 
By D.M. and X.

--
It was a strange night the eve this story begins. 
The Jedi were all snug in their beds, blissfully
unaware of the evil lurking both outside and within. 
With and evil plan and a sinister idea, the two
malevolent entities had joined forced to engineer the
downfall of the Jedi from within.
(“Malevolent entities, I like that,” Maul
mused. “Will you shut up and let me type?” Xan
grumbled.)

Mr. X, the one of the pair with intimate knowledge of
the Jedi Temple, took the main part of the
mission.
(“You’re making this sound like one of those weird
stories with that ‘Intimate knowledge’ part,”
Maul grumbled. “Will you shut up! Intimate has more
than one meaning, and I think you’ve been
spending too much time in the DMEB. Get your horns
out of the gutter and let me type!” Xan snarled. 
Maul pouted, then fell silent.)

Mr. M, the one with very little intelligence and too
many smutty stories written about him, stayed
outside.
(“Delete that!” Maul demanded. “Not unless
you either shut up or leave altogether!” Xan snapped.)
*Previous line deleted*
Mr. M, the infamous and secretive Sith Apprentice,
waited outside, ready with a distraction
should Xan fail in his mission.
(“Why am I the distraction?” Maul asked. “Because I
said so,” Xan grumbled. Maul growled,
setting his lightsaber onto the table. “Don’t even
start...” Xan growled.)

------------------------------------

“AAGH! I give up! After three weeks, this story
should be good, not the crap that it has
become!” Maul shouted, shredding the hard-copy of the
story into pieces. “Well, you’re going to have a
chance to do it all over again anyway,” Xanatos said. 
“Why?” Maul demanded. “Because you just
shredded the only copy I had. Kun downloaded a bunch
of stories about himself from the Internet onto
the disk and saved over our story.”
“GRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Maul
cried, slamming his
lightsaber off the wall, followed by a chair, then a
lamp. “NOT THE OTTOMAN! Ulic’s ottoman! Ulic’s
ottoman! put_ the stool_ down!” Xanatos cried as Maul
picked up the footstool from the recliner. He
dropped it just as quickly, looking around nervously,
hoping Qel-Droma hadn’t been there to see his
assault on the furniture.
“That man is addicted to his home furnishings
catalog,” Maul grumbled, kicking the footstool
closer to the chair. “Yeah, and Kun’s been going to
Goth-bars, and you’ve been watching too many talk
shows lately. We’re all becoming just as screwed up
as the ‘normal’ people, so calm down and let’s get
back to work,” Xanatos said.
Maul hissed, pacing and forcing himself to calm down.
“Can’t we just hijack the guy who did
the Thrawn books into doing our story for us?” Maul
asked. The nearly trademark ‘wicked-idea’ light
went on in Xan’s expression, followed shortly by
Maul’s malicious chuckle.

-------------------------------
(The Story)

{{Clone Wars: Evyl Incarnate.}}
-------

Obi-wan took a startled step back as his mysterious
attacker dropped his hood back, revealing
striped red and black hair, a menacing smirk, and
Obi-wan’s own face distorted with dark intent. “My
Masters engineered me with only one failing, the fact
that I look like you,” he snarled, then moved into
another furious attack before Kenobi had the time to
recover. Blades struck, energies clashed, and the two
exact-but-opposite Obi-wans dueled with an intensity
Kenobi had not seen since Naboo. 
Matched blow-for-blow equally, the only advantage the
Evyl Obi had was his knowledge of the
Dark Side, and of Obi-wan’s inner heart, something he
exploited to its fullest. With a side-cut that had
started as a down-slash, Obi-wan’s lightsaber was
seared in half between his hands, followed by a boot
in
his face, which knocked him to his rear on the floor. 
He stared in astonishment at the two chunks of the
weapon in his hands, then up at the Evyl Obi, who
stared back down with a sneer.
“One for one,” Evyl Obi said menacingly, producing
the halved lightsaber of Darth Maul from
within his robes. He tossed the cleft weapon to the
ground next to Obi-wan, chuckling maliciously. “Poor
little Jedi, so self-assured of the old laws of Two,
One Master, One Apprentice,” Evyl Obi mused, twirling
his own lightsaber like a baton, pacing. “Little do
you realize, they didn’t know that law would someday
be brought to govern clones. Which means, there’s
still Two, but there’s so many copies of the Two, that
you’ll never be able to stop us all,” Evyl Obi said,
enjoying the supposed moment of Obi-wan’s defeat a
little-too-arrogantly.
“Poor, sad, miserable, worthless failure of a Jedi!”
Evyl Obi snarled menacingly, stepping closer
and hoisting his blade up for a final strike straight
down into Kenobi. Obi-wan called the working half of
Maul’s lightstaff to his hand just as the clone moved
forward in a down-strike. Obi-wan ducked beneath
the striking blade, pressing the hilt of his weapon
against the clone’s abdomen. He ignited the blade,
and
the clone’s eyes went wide with a choked gasp of
surprise. He looked down at Obi-wan, astonished, his
weapon slipping from his grasp and deactivating.
The clone slumped to his knees, and Obi-wan
deactivated the blood-red lightsaber. The clone
dragged Obi-wan down to a leaning crouch as he slipped
to the floor, wheezing in his attempt to breathe
with a hole burned through his lungs. Obi-wan found
himself staring down at his own face, watching
himself die, despite knowing it wasn’t really him. 
With a last act of pure willpower, Evyl Obi managed
enough strength to spit in Obi-wan’s face, then
collapsed with a death-shudder to the floor, growing
still.
Obi-wan remained motionless for a moment, frozen to
the spot awestruck and stunned beyond
belief. Slowly, he recovered himself, forcing the
shoulder of his robe free of the clone’s death-grip
and
backing away. He sat on the floor a few paces away,
staring at the clone in awe and terror, still
overwhelmed from what he’d done. He looked down at
the segment of Maul’s lightstaff in his hands as if
just noticing it for the first time, then tossed it
away in disgust.
He heard the faint sound of voices calling from
somewhere outside, but ignored them. He leaned
closer to the clone, then reached out, closing the
staring hazel-blue eyes with gentle fingers. He
returned
to his stunned sitting position a short distance away,
keeping his silent stare until someone shook him by
the shoulder. Another Jedi, someone who’s name he
couldn’t remember right now. 
He stood, taking one last look back at the clone as
he followed the Knight out into the sunlight. 
If this was what this war was going to end like, he
knew he couldn’t survive it intact. Some part of him
had died, a spiritual part, not just the physical
clone. He needed time, and space to clear his head. 
Lots of
space, and lots of time alone.
Tattooine. Yes, that horrid place was bleak enough
to hide on easily if he remembered correctly. 
Time, and only time, would tell if these wounds would
ever heal.

--------------------------

Maul applauded vehemently, grinning. “THIS is a
story worthy of our efforts!” he announced
from the couch. Xanatos took a graceful bow, setting
down the copy of the story he’d been reading aloud
on the desk. “Yes, bravo, Love,” he said cheerfully,
kissing the girl sitting behind the computer on the
cheek. “Stellar job.” She fought not to blush and
slid her glasses back up on her nose. 
Maul chuckled, then stood, snatching the printout
from the desk. “Yes, even if the wrong
Obi-wan dies in the end,” he said. Xanatos snatched
the paper from Maul’s hands. “Stuff it, it’s
magnificent. At least ONE Obi-wan died,” he said,
then leaned on the edge of the desk. “My dear, have
you ever tried writing smut stories? I’d wager you’d
do an amazing job,” Xan asked quietly, just enough
suggestion to his tone for the girl to lose her fight
with blushing in embarrassment.
Maul suddenly growled protectively, and Xanatos stood
up straight again, clearing his throat. 
“Well, I suppose we’d better get back. Thanks for the
help though, amazing work,” Xan said, pressing
his hand against the wall and opening and reopening
the interdimensional portal. “Suck-up,” Maul
grumbled beneath his breath, stepping toward the
portal. Xanatos looked back at the girl behind the
computer with a smouldering look of suggestion. “Love
to,” he said with a smirk, “If she’d let me.”
The girl promptly turned flame-red, picking up a
stapler and tossing it at the world-jumping
former Jedi. He dodged easily, then side-stepped into
the portal. Maul sighed and shook his head, looking
over at her apologetically. “Sorry,” he said. A hand
appeared from inside the portal, grabbing maul by
the shirt and dragging him into the vortex. He
disappeared with a flash of blue light and a shimmer
of
pseudo-movement along the wall like ripples in a
puddle.
The girl sighed, then vengefully added a final
addition to her latest story, just for Xan.

---------------

“DADDY!” the flame-red and black haired creature
cried, hugging Xanatos and kissing him on
the cheek. “MAULIE!!” he exclaimed, hopping over to
pseudo-noogie Maul a few inches above the
horns. “What in the flaming twelve hells is going on
in here?” Exar Kun demanded, walking into the
room. He froze in the doorway, gaping in shock at the
flame-haired person hugging Maul. Maul was
busy projecting his best ‘I’m going to kill you slowly
and painfully’ glare at Xanatos, who was on the
verge of either busting out laughing or fainting from
hyperventilation and panic. 
“Shelly sent you a little present for being such a
cute little sicko,” the Evyl Obi clone from their
story said. “Me!!” he announced, flopping onto the
couch and flipping his red-and-black padawan
braid over his shoulder. 
“Is Babylon 5 on yet? OOH! lookie! Gundam Wing!” he
said, flipping channels on the tv. with the remote. 
Kun just glared at the two standing awestruck next to
the still-glowing portal. “Would you two care to
explain this?” he asked, crossing his arms over his
chest and lifting an eyebrow. Maul and Xan looked at
each other, then bust out laughing, nearly falling to
the floor as they laughed hysterically at their
current
predicament.