Title:  Aftershocks from the Rent-a-Jedi Gala    
Author: Tam Chronin, aka Mary Alexander
Characters: Tam and Vader
Category: Seduction
Archived: November 8, 1999
Status: Completed
Summary: The Jedi Padawan's adventure continues after the gala.  This story is based after the Round Robin Gala event, and before the Thanksgiving round robin.

In all the worlds I know are out there
The words reflect a hollow meaning
And there is no one to hear my prayer
And no answers to be gleaning...
I hid my poetry from everyone, I usually wrote it when I was trying to vent a negative emotion and I felt uncomfortable sharing that side of myself. This morning the words demanded to be written, I needed to come to terms with what happened last night and this was the only way I could think of. I sat and let the words flow.
These feelings are mine that I can't share
And deep within my soul is keening
Even for me it's too much to bear
But there is no one I can turn to for leaning.
I was totally alone for this one, if I admitted what happened to anyone I knew I would never be a Jedi Knight. If anyone found out I would be ruined. I had had sex with Darth Vader of all people! And would again, I knew...if I ever had the chance. Horribly scarred he had said--but I had been trained to see beyond what was on the outside by one who exemplified that rule. I couldn't deny the evil that shrouded his soul, but all I could think of was his pain and how I wanted to take it away. Even the darkness that was so much a part of him fed my craving to explore the darkness within me in a seductive siren's call.
What do I see when I see you?
How could I see you this way?
I should be repulsed by the image true,
But something within begs to stay.
I crumpled up the poem, throwing it away as I realized where I was going with it. This was no good. I knew that the promises made by the Dark Side were empty, I knew it was only going to be good for me until I gave in. I had been taught all these lessons, but right now I wasn't strong enough. I *wanted* to give in, to explore more than just what I had been taught in this little building all my life. I just couldn't stand the thought of disappointing everyone I had ever loved in my life.
Was that all that was holding me back? No, I decided finally. There was much more and it all had to do with fear. Sure, fear leads to the Dark Side, but what if what you feared *was* the Dark Side? I no longer had that blanket of confidence that I was incorruptible. I had never had an opportunity to be tested like this and I didn't know if it would finally strengthen my resolve or if it would break me. It was dangerous to explore this further, but it was also dangerous to try to ignore it in the hopes it would go away on its own.
I turned back to my bed, knowing I would have most of the day to myself. I thought about crying but I just couldn't let go that far any more today. I thought about listening to some music, but I couldn't decide on anything I was in the mood for. I thought about crying some more and finally decided that I needed to or I would never get past the feeling I should.
That decided I let my emotions flood over me. Gently at first I felt the tears build as I remembered what I had done. They began to spill over as I thought about what would happen if anyone found out. Finally I let it all out as I thought of the impossibility of Vader wanting anything more to do with me. That hurt more than anything since Voron had died and I found out I was pregnant with his child. No, this hurt worse in a way because Voron was one with the Force and therefore not truly gone. At times I could still feel his presence and how he had cared for me. I had no such comfort with this situation, I was being devoured by the hopelessness of it all.
I was finally too exhausted to do anything but lay there, wallowing in my misery. No one bothered to check up on me because everyone walked on eggshells around me with losing my mate and being emotionally unbalanced from the pregnancy. I just stared up at the ceiling and clutched my pillow to my chest in a death grip. My mind was a complete blank, any thoughts I had just drifted away because I didn't have the strength to concentrate on them.
Gradually something changed. A vague sense of awakening imposed itself on my mind along with a strange darkness. It took me a while to realize I was feeling the presence of another person searching for me. I wondered who it could be, but it quickly became obvious to me that it had to be Vader. ::What do you want?:: I sent the thought with weary resignation.
His response shocked me out of my stupor. ::you::
I almost screamed at the myriad emotions which suddenly sprang up. Before I could decide which one to give precedence I felt an invisible hand brush my hair out of my face and caress my cheek. ::Why are you doing this to me?:: I tried to make my mental voice demanding, but it seemed the best I could do was a pitiful pleading. I wanted to give in so bad it hurt!
::Tam, there is so much you could learn from me if you'd only give yourself over to the Dark Side.:: He used the Force to caress my body, to stimulate places I hadn't known could be so erotic. My head swam with the sensation as I struggled with the decision of whether or not to resist. I felt my eyes slip slowly closed and the images suplimented the sensations I felt. I reached out to touch him, using the Force as he did, and felt his response. He kissed me, holding me close as if he'd never let me go--
There was a soft tap at my door. I gasped as the connection was broken, then stood up to answer my door. Master Yoda stood there with concern on his face. "Gone all day you have been. Troubled have your emotions been. Worried am I."
"Yes Master Yoda. It's more of the usual brought on by everything that happened last night. Some days it's just harder to deal with than others."
"Told you I did. Go out you should not yet. Worse are you today than you have been."
"No, I just think there a lot of things I still have to deal with that I haven't given myself a chance to think about yet. I think I should go for a walk...that might help me get my thoughts together. It all just hit me hard today, that's all."
I walked away quickly, not daring to think of how I had skirted the truth until I was safely away from the Temple. Then I sighed in relief as the crowds surrounded me, swallowing me up in a cloak of anonymity. Without thought I just walked.
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As I walked I noticed different people as they passed. Each one had their own problems and sorrows. Each one had their own regrets hanging over them. Each one had strange lives that I could never understand because of the way I had been raised. The Jedi had stolen any chance to live a "normal" life like any one of these nameless faces that passed me. My free will had been subverted in the name of their idea of keeping me "pure". Where had that left me? Alone and pregnant in a society that frowned on what I had done. Sure, the child would be another hope for the Jedi, but I was--
What was I? None of the Jedi would look at me because I carried someone else's child, even if he was dead. My training had been stopped because of fatigue at first, but even when I had started to feel better I was sort of pushed aside so that I wouldn't endanger the child. I couldn't believe how backward some of the male healers were! If I say I can do something I'm not just acting brave! Of course, they just said that there was a chance of fluctuations in the Force that could throw me off in more dangerous exercises...and there were cases of that happening.
I turned the corner and found myself at my favorite place to meditate away from the Temple. I didn't think twice about it, it was a short climb to the platform where I had enjoyed watching people pass from a vantage that no one ever thought to look at. Pulling myself up happily I looked up--
The sounds of civilization had hidden the sound of his mechanized breathing. He held a hand out to help me up and after only a moment of hesitation I took it. "Come here often," I quipped.
"I discovered this place when I was a Padawan and needed to be alone with my thoughts."
Chills went up and down my spine. I recalled the feeling that had drawn me here the first time and wondered about it. "I never meant to steal your spot..."
He just gazed at me for a few moments and I wished I could for once see his true face just so I could see a reaction from him. I barely resisted the urge to squirm under the scrutiny of his mask's placid fascade. He turned after an eternity and gestured out over the landscape. "It is the perfect place to be alone in a world so overpopulated. It takes a rare person to find a place like this, most people take such open yet hidden places for granted."
I felt myself blush at the compliment, so I turned away quickly in hopes that he wouldn't notice. My mind drifted to thoughts of things that had driven me here over the years and I could feel a sense of understanding coming from Vader. He reached out to touch my shoulder and I leaned back slightly, upheld my more than his physical strength.
"I understand what you are going through, Tam. I can help you in ways that the Jedi won't."
I knew he was right. I also knew that there was a price to pay if I could believe what I had been taught. "Do you ever regret the path you have taken?" The question came out before I could think about it.
"It was the path I needed to take, I was never cut out to be a Jedi."
"But do you regret it?" I don't know what posessed me to persist on this point.
I could feel his eyes upon my back as his hand clutched me just a bit tighter. "I have paid prices that I wish I didn't have to over the years, but they were prices I paid for things I could not do without. I can't say I regret them, for I would have to regret also the many gifts I have been given and the power I now have."
I thought about that. Prices to be paid. There were also prices for actions the Jedi took, could I live with that. "I don't know..."
"You don't have to make your decision today...I will wait while you think about it."
"Are you really that confident?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
He truned me around to face him, holding me close with one arm while the fingertips of his other hand brushed over my eyelids. As I closed my eyes I saw his dream image and felt his kiss upon me. "You want this, and you want me. I want you to have all that I can give you. You will be mine. You only have to realize with your entire being what your heart knows, and what your passion has led you to. That is why I am confident."
I felt the passion he spoke of build within me at his embrace. Part of me longed to pull away and put things in perspective, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. His internal image grinned at me and he gave me a deep kiss that stole my breath away and inflamed my libido to new heights. Then in an instant he pulled away and was gone before I could bring myself to open my eyes.
::Tomorrow at dinner time:: I heard his retreating thought and then I was alone to think of what I would do.
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I stood at the window to my room, wondering what he meant. Tomorrow at dinner time was just too cryptic. It was almost dinner time and--
There was a knock at my door. As I opened it a friend of mine was there with an amazed expression on her face. "A small aircar is here for you...the driver said only that you have a date with a secret admirer. Do you know who it is?" She was bubbling over with excitement.
"I have an idea...I think it might be someone I met at a party the other night. You know, the one all the guys were at..."
"How did you get in? I heard the only women invited are clients."
"I crashed it." I grinned at the memory.
"Oh! You naughty girl. So, do you think you could get back there and maybe get me in...?"
I just laughed. "Get your own dates. Trust me, it would be cheaper that way. Or, if you want to go that way, you could always just walk in. The owner is a really nice lady, I think you'd like her." She looked like she was going to say more, but I cut her off. "Go stall the driver while I rush to get ready. I don't want to be late."
She smiled and ran off to do what I asked. I hopped in the sonic shower real quick and put on my nicest robes...not much else fit me lately and the dress from the other night still needed washing. I wasn't sure my robes were appropriate to the occasion, but I didn't have much of a choice. I tied my hair up in a plain braid and wrapped it around my head in a pretty but simple fashion. I was practiced with it, so it didn't take very long. I practically ran out of my room, eager to leave.
The ride was uneventful, but when we arrived I was awed. I had heard of the castle Vader had built recently, but I had never expected to see it. It was large and impressive, a show of his power on a planet where space was at a premium. As I walked in and saw how spacious the foyer alone was I felt humbled--and envious.
"Welcome, Tam. Your dinner awaits," Vader greeted me, walking with me to show me the way to the elaborate dining room. The food was the best I had ever had, even when I was protecting Senator Rees's family. Everything was beautiful, simply perfect. There were even fresh flowers around the room, flowers that were hard to find on a planet covered with the city that choked any accidental natural growth.
"Is all this for me?"
"Yes, I wanted to show you what you mean to me."
"What I mean to you?" I was suddenly confused. "I couldn't mean that much...we just met...we hardly know each other." Could he really care about me the way I already cared about him?
"I have my reasons..." I don't know how I knew, but I could tell he was amused at how flustered I was.
I shook my head, knowing I didn't want to go on with this line of conversation. I pushed away from the table, looking disinterestedly at my dessert. Vader immediately stood and offered me his hand. Without hesitation I took it, thrilling at the feel. With his other hand he brushed my face, compelling me to look in to his eyes.
I fell into the black depths of the darkness his mask showed. Expressionless, unchanging, and yet somehow alive. Yes, it almost seemed that the mask had a life of its own. ::Who are you really? Who lives behind that mask?::
::If you saw me without this mask you would be disgusted.:: His mental tone was both wistful and amused.
::That horror is only skin deep.::
"No. It's much deeper than that," he said as he turned away. A hint of the physical and spiritual pain seeped through his shields.
"Your own master did this to you? How could--"
He held up his hand for me to stop and I suddenly felt insensitive for bringing up such a painful topic. Silence fell over us for a time, then without turning he said, "Follow me."
He led the way to the center of the castle where a beautiful garden was carefully maintained. The walls mostly shielded it from the light of the surrounding city, but the starlight shone like I had never seen it here on Coruscant. A fine mist was falling on the plants, and the little light that did make it here seemed to gather on the beads of moisture that collected on the leaves. The scent was moist and sweet from the many flowers that grew here. I had never seen so many plants on Coruscant in my entire life, I was struck dumb by awe of it all.
Vader finally spoke up behind me. "Before I was taken here when I was young I had never seen so many plants either, it wasn't until I went to Naboo the first time that I saw the wonder of it all. That is why I had this garden made."
I had the feeling that there was more to it than that, but I didn't want to pry. "I'm impressed." I breathed.
He showed me to a small area covered with small green plants--I searched my memory for what it was called--oh yah, grass. He gallantly removed his cloak and invited me to sit down on it. The grass offered a strange cushion that felt sensual amidst all the rest of the greenery. Vader knelt before me, prompting me to lean back. He reached forward and cupped one of my breasts, then began to slide my robe and tunics off my shoulders.
I had longed for this moment since the party, dreamed of nothing else. A low moan came from deep within me as I surrendered to the sensation. My eyes slid closed as his hand finally settled on my bare flesh.
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His blue eyes were burning into mine. ::Were your eyes really that blue?::
::Oh yes.:: He chuckled confidently. ::I have no need to exaggerate the image I'm showing you.::
I moaned again as I felt his mouth upon my breast, teasing my nipple first with his tongue, then with gentle nips of his teeth. I knew it wasn't real, I knew it was a trick of the Force, but...
I felt him deftly remove my belt and then slip my tunics completely off. He paused for a moment and I opened my eyes. He was looking at my lightsaber and I could feel his curiosity. This time I chuckled. "I got a little creative in some elements of the design."
"Indeed." He seemed impressed and then set it aside. I then smiled and slipped out of the rest of my clothes. I couldn't believe how eager I was, but I knew I wanted him to possess me and I wasn't going to play around about it. And this time I didn't have a Sith potion to blame...just a Sith--and my own run-away feelings.
His hand drifted to the slight swell of my pregnant belly, fascination and melancholy mixing with lust as he did. With impatience he removed his gloves and felt me with his hands.
"No, only one hand is real," he admitted absently as he searched through the Force for the baby's presence. I gasped at the intimate touch, feeling his mind touch the baby's in a gentle caress. "Your daughter has many trials ahead of her..."
How could he be looking at me, naked, and only think of the baby within me? It would have been touching, but I wanted him touching me, not her. Then I remembered the emotion I had seen from him that first time and suddenly understood his fascination. "I'll bet no one has seen this side of you in a long time."
That snapped him out of it. ::Not since my wife left me.:: Now he was lost in the past, still not where I wanted his mind stuck. I frowned for a moment, trying to think of a way to make both of us feel better.
I reached for his belt in a sudden burst of daring. Quickly I had his pants undone and pulled out his large organ. With a glance up I made sure I had his complete attention and then I wrapped my hand around the base of his member and began licking the tip. They were quick licks at first, then I wrapped my lips around the head and began moving up and down as I felt the pleasure coming from him in waves.
I don't know how he found the concentration to do it, but he used the Force to caress my pussy with well honed skill. I was absorbed by the sensation as he concentrated on my clit, gently at first, then rough and urgent as we both grew closer to orgasm. I quickened my pace on him, somehow finding it within myself to relax my throat enough to take him all the way in. I felt an echo of how it felt for him and I could feel myself begin to tip over the edge. We both went faster and faster until, linked, we came at the same time. His hot seed pumped into my mouth, salty and acidic, but not unpleasantly so. I swallowed, sucking to try to get every drop, and I felt him shudder at the motion.
We were silent for a moment as we recovered from the experience. We laid down beside each other on his cape and I closed my eyes in thought.
::You will be my apprentice.:: His mental image was gazing at me with studied seriousness. ::I must have you.::
I held my breath, feeling the fear of the implications. I was already moving down that path, but I still couldn't face it full on. He understood. I almost wish he hadn't so I could have fought against him and maybe broken free. I shook my head and fought tears.
I felt his hands on me, comforting me and pulling me against him. He let down my hair with gentle motions and ran his fingers through. I could tell how he loved the feel of it, long and silky, as he suddenly grabbed a handful and held me in place as imaginary lips crushed my real ones. I almost cried out in longing for his real mouth to be against mine, but I knew that couldn't be. The frustration of the situation fed both of us to a new wave of lust and he pulled me on top of him.
While my eyes were closed he had taken off his boots and pants, exposing the flesh and prosthetics underneath. I looked for only a moment and then I closed my eyes and positioned myself on his manhood. I was so wet he just slid right in, filling me totally. I gasped at the sensation, I hadn't prepared myself for being so suddenly and easily filled. I clenched my vaginal muscles and began to rock against him. With a little experimentation I found the perfect spot, the perfect angle, and felt myself reach almost the point of orgasm. Vader reached a hand up to my pubis and pushed his thumb between us. He hit my clit and rubbed hard, bringing me easily over the edge. I screamed from the pleasure, heard my voice echo around the garden as a testament to my pleasure.
His hands were then on my hips, guiding me and prompting me to keep going. I came again, quickly, and it was stronger this time...then again and again, harder and faster, rocking my world as I had never felt before. He finally sat up, clutching me to him, and I swear we both just exploded from the pleasure. I passed out against him, tucked in to the crook of his arm, and promptly forgot about the rest of the universe.
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I woke up to feel the warm sunlight caressing my skin. I couldn't understand why at first, then I remembered and sat up with a start. I found myself alone in Darth Vader's garden, surrounded by beauty but filled with dread. I quickly found my clothes and rushed inside. I could smell food as I neared the dining room, but I hurried past while trying not to think about it.
The halls were longer this morning than they had been last night. I began to think about how good the food smelled, how hungry I really was, and how I really shouldn't deprive the child I carried. I slowed my steps gradually, then stopped. I wouldn't make any difference in suspicions if I ran out now or if I stayed long enough to satisfy my hunger. I hesitated a moment longer and then turned around and began walking back. The smell of sweet breads and spiced meats prompted me to walk quickly.
I turned the corner to see small samples of exotic foods placed before the seat I had been in last night. There were small cubes of sweet fruit, a bitter yet sweet fruit juice that cut the sweetness down just enough, and other items of delectable food from all over the Republic. I ate eagerly, finishing with a hot, dark brown beverage that was rich and sweet and better than anything I had ever had before. I felt Vader's presence approach from behind me before I heard his footfalls or respirator.
"Your Master was looking for you."
"What?!?"
"He called here a moment ago."
"Master Yoda called here? Looking for me? What did you say?"
"I cut him off and told him never to call here under any circumstances."
I closed my eyes and wondered how Yoda would have known where I was. Oh yah, the party. A lot of people, including council members, must have seen me with Vader as we walked to his room. I knew for a fact that Yoda himself had been passed out cold in a back room at the time, but I knew I was a fool of the worst sort if I thought that this wouldn't get back to him if I gave anyone an excuse to remember what had happened. "I'm doomed."
"You have no idea how annoying I find that phrase...."
"What?"
"Nothing." He noted that I was done eating and gestured for me to follow him. The only thing I could pick up from his mind before he shut me out was an image of a protocol droid announcing, "We're doomed" and a small workbench in a hovel where the same droid had been, regretfully, assembled. I was confused by the image so I just ignored it as I followed him down a new hall.
He opened a door to a bedroom filled with flowers of all descriptions. The bed was large and looked soft and inviting. It was a tall bed, the perfect height for--
"I have to go back." I turned away and willed my legs to walk, not run, down the hall.
His hand on my shoulder pulled me back. "Tam, be my apprentice and all that will be yours. You need not return to the Academy where people will be tracking you day and night. No one here but me would dare tell you what to do ever again, no one would sit in judgment of your every move. You will have the power to make them leave you alone."
"I'm not ready for this," I shouted at him.
"You were ready last night."
I wanted to scream at thim for that, but all I did was pull away and run. I don't remember how, but I found myself in an aircar headed back to the Temple with the worst headache of my life. Everyone could sense it and I was thankfully left alone for a while. Safely locked in my room I found the words to another poem spring into my turbulent mind.
Flicking flame that draws me,
The light and heat that dance,
Candle-lit the radient room,
That draws me to a trance.
Burning flame that mocks me,
The shadows on the wall
Tower high over my form
With secuctive silent call.
Blinding flame that shuns me
It offers no respite
Absorbing itself within it
So all I see is night.
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