Chapter 1; Monique, that’s not what I meant!
Monique lunged at Jeff. She wanted to kill him, and just as she was about to knock him flat, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist, holding her back. She struggled with all her might to break free (Jeff was so close) but to no avail. The arms simply tightened. Jeff smirked at her helplessness.
He leaned in close to her face and whispered, "You just can’t win, can you." Monique jerked at him, damn these arms. Then Jeff said loud enough for everyone around to hear clearly, "I would learn to control that temper if I were you...baby." He caressed her cheek, and she winced. After admiring the look of disgust he had so easily cast on her face, he strode from the mess hall, obviously satisfied with his work for the day. Monique simply glared.
She had known at once who had put their arms around her. The only person who had ever done that to her was Alejandro. She twisted around to face him.
Alejandro had expected her to be upset with him for doing this (obviously), but he wasn’t quite prepared for the look she gave him. "Why did you stop me?" she demanded angrily, pushing his hands down off of her waist and stepping back. "Why? What...you think I can’t handle him, Alejandro? Is that it?"
"Moni, of course not. It’s that you can handle him, which makes me do this. I’m afraid that one day you’ll handle him so well that the council won’t even let you be a Jedi anymore. Its...--" he looked down at his feet, and then back up before continuing. "It’s no secret you’ve got a lot of rage, Moni. More than most of us here have."
Her jaw dropped slightly, and she threw up her hands in exasperation. "Yeah Alejandro, you’re right! I’m just mean and evil, and FULL OF RAGE! You know what, I’m leaving now---don’t even try to talk to me!"
"Moni--wait, that’s not what I---" he tried to call after her, but she had left. He ran out of the mess hall, and saw her retreating back. She was walking rigidly, and Alejandro suddenly wished he hadn’t said anything. He leaned up against the wall, running a hand through his hair. As a friend, he loved her so much, but she was just so hard to deal with sometimes.
Of course, she had always been that way. Her personality was that of someone who over-worked themselves, hence becoming over-stressed, yet would never admit it. The only emotions she ever showed anyone were anger and annoyance. Not even to Alejandro did she share her true feelings. He knew certain things probably affected her deeper than she ever led on, yet she kept herself pretty closed off when discussing them.
Her beauty though, now _that_ was something to admire. Everything she did was captivating to him. Not in a romantic sense, but he was definitely aware when with her, that he was a man, and she a woman. But then, dwelling on these thoughts had always sent an amazing wave of guilt through him, no different than if he were violating her, so he generally pushed these notions from his mind.
Monique was very diverse when it came her body. Her mother had had a dark complexion, with dark hair, and dark eyes. Yet her father had had a light complexion, with bright blonde hair, and light blue eyes. Naturally, Monique had inherited traits from either of them. Her skin was a unique tan color, and her thick hair skimmed her back, down to her hips in a wave of pin-straight ebony---although, it did look quite messy most days. But those features were nothing next to her eyes--those beautiful eyes--two shocking pools of blue, and not gray-blue either. They were a bright, enticing, dark blue that somehow lit up her entire face.
Sliding down the wall, Alejandro realized that he had let his thoughts go too far, and he definitely felt like a man now.
Monique stood outside of her dorm, beating the door with her fists, and all the while shouting, "Open you piece of shit! You damn door! You shit, YOU SHIT!" She received quite a few frightened looks from fellow padawans passing by, but in her current state, she was too devastated to care.
Rozonda walked swiftly through the Jedi temple towards her padawan’s dorm, and by the headache that was growing within her, she sensed that Monique was in a great deal of stress. She turned a corner, and found her worst fears alive.
There was Monique, pounding on her door, blood dripping from her knuckles, shouting, "You shit, YOU SHIT!" Rozonda ran up and grabbed her fists, attempting to calm her down.
"Honey, what has gotten into you?" her voice ached of concern. Monique put her head on her door, and simply broke down. She was crying hysterically, and Rozonda was nothing short of taken aback with this sudden burst of emotions. Monique had never ever cried in front of her, and now to witness this. "Please, child, what has you hurting?" Monique tried her best to answer between sobs.
"I - sniff - forgot my - sniff - entry code."
Rozonda dropped her hands, not expecting that answer at all. Her entry code? Was that it?...no, it couldn’t be. Monique wouldn’t cry unless something _really_ bad had happened. But what? She had seemed just fine earlier that day. "Monique, we both know perfectly well that that cannot be the reason of your distress." Monique was silent. Dropping her fists, and opening the door, Rozonda led her inside and sat her on the bed. "Have you no faith to confide in me?" She leaned over, attempting to wipe Monique’s tears away, but Monique pulled back.
"Please don’t, I...I shouldn’t be crying. I just... I just..."
"Child, it’s okay to cry, you know." She ignored Monique’s resistance, and wiped her tears from her cheeks. Her crying had reduced to that of momentary sniffling.
"No, it’s not. Not for me anyway."
"But Monique, you’re only human. You expect too much from yourself, and it breaks you down. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the reason for your hurt. Is it not?" Rozonda took Monique’s chin in her hand and lifted her face to eye level.
"It is." That was all she needed to say, before Rozonda wrapped her in a hug. Monique didn’t know how long she let her emotions free, but was decidedly happy when she regained composure long enough to let Rozonda leave her to sleep, with the promise of a few days off from training.
Rozonda walked briskly back to her own quarters. Now was _not_ the time to meet up with someone. She had just witnessed what she thought wasn’t possible. She didn’t even know Monique had that much emotion inside her. She didn’t know how to act, what to say, or even how to help Monique. How stupid could she be, how ignorant, to never even think of what she would say if, at least if something like this ever occurred. She had done okay, yes, but still, winging situations was not her best feature.
She should have been prepared.
Alejandro walked with his master, Raphael, down an obscure corridor in the Jedi temple. Usually, Alejandro enjoyed late night strolls with him, it being almost a form of therapy. But tonight, however, Raphael had taken to pestering him with personal questions that he would rather have kept to himself. And of course, since Raphael was the master here, Alejandro just _had_ to tell all.
"So--" Raphael asked in his ever so prominent Italian accent, "did you have a nice evening with Monique? I do recall you saying something about dinner with her tonight." Alejandro sighed.
"At first it was great, and almost romantic, until Jeff started a fight with her."
"Jeff? Is that the guy given’ you trouble? I’d like to get a piece of him, I would. Or at least show him a piece of myself."
"I would as well. He ruined a perfectly good evening."
"Ho ho, and tell me Alej, Monique just had to fight back, didn’t she?"
Alejandro rolled his eyes. "Of course." His disappointment wore on his face, but still, Raphael kept probing.
"Well, did you make up later?"
"Excuse me?" Alejandro questioned. He looked over to see a grin across his master’s face.
"Oh Alejandro. Don’t pretend you haven’t any idea of what I’m asking. I know what you think of her." Alejandro was taken aback by his master’s sudden forward approach in questioning.
"Master, I know perfectly well what you’re asking, and yes, if you must know, I am definitely a great deal attracted to her, but she’ only eighteen, and I’m...well, I’m twenty-four. Why would you think _that_ of our relationship? Monique and I simply aren’t like that with each other, and if we were, we’d probably still be at it, ‘making up’." Raphael had to laugh at this.
"All right, if you say so, but just to let you know, eighteen isn’t exactly young, and---" Raphael could not stop himself from ending with this, "you’d probably be in a better mood if you would allow yourself and Monique to...hehehe...open up a little more."
Chapter 2; regretting regards for privacy
The clock had barely struck 2 a.m. when Obi-Wan burst into the quarters he shared with Anikan. Many masters in the temple had been assigned solitary living dorms, away from their padawans, but the council had suggested that Obi-Wan keep Anikan close, as to look out for him. Anikan had come to the temple at such a late age, that he wasn’t really familiar with the ways of the Jedi. He had taken Anikan on many tours throughout the area, and yet, he still had trouble remembering where to go if he ever needed to find Obi-Wan at any place besides their dorm.
However, this was not the only reason the council had wanted them sharing quarters. A few weeks after Anikan had arrived on Coruscant finally to settle down in his training, after the euphoria of the war on Naboo had worn off, he fell into a great depression. It became so great that everyone feared he might do himself a harm. Obi-Wan had suggested that they simply take Anikan back to his mother to live out his life a free man on Tatooine, but the council wouldn’t have it. They had already put Anikan through so much--and he had proven himself--that they couldn’t just turn back now. In the end, Obi-Wan had given up and agreed with their decision, but he couldn’t help but feel Anikan deserved at least, a better master.
Now there was something not commonly known. When they finally returned, after Naboo’s victory celebrations, Obi-Wan had not adjusted so easily to his new status as a master like he had always wished he would. Or as he pretended to. No, things were not so simple. How could he just go and be a teacher when he was still learning? Really, he was still a student.
For the first few months of life with Anikan, everyday was a struggle for Obi-Wan. He would lie in his bed each morning, dreading the sunlight that signaled day. Just a few more minutes, he would say, just a few more... and eventually he’d lie there until noon. Thinking really about nothing, except that he needed more time. More time to do... well... nothing.
A fellow Jedi, Master Mace Windu, noticed this and decided to take Anikan off of his hands for a few days. Perhaps it was the bags under his eyes, or the empty look on his face which made his despair so noticeable to close friends, but whatever it was, Obi-Wan was forever grateful to Mace. In that short period of solitude, he had found himself renewed. Yes, for the first few days, he had done nothing but sleep, but as the week wore on, his old spirit had begun to revive. For the first time since Qui-Gon had died, Obi-Wan found himself _wanting_ to wake up, to learn new things, and even to just run around for no reason. He had felt like a teenager again, and ever since that time, he and Anikan had formed a perfectly stable, depression free relationship.
Several years had passed, three in fact, and Anikan was currently visiting Tatooine, in hopes of seeing his mother. Obi-Wan had stayed behind feeling that Anikan should be given privacy, what with having not seen his mother in 3+ years. This was no time for Obi-Wan to interfere.
Anikan had left yesterday, leaving him to work on assignments from the council. Obi-Wan stared loathingly at the paper work he had accidentally dropped all over the floor while trying to turn on the light. He was in for a tedious day tomorrow.
Monique lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. A nightmare had woken her around 3 a.m., and she’d been awake ever since. The clock was not ticking 4 a.m. and she was growing restless. For the hour, she had suppressed her urge to break free and just go jogging, but now the desire was becoming overwhelming.
Giving up, she dressed in the dark, pulling on a pair of black track pants. They were a bit baggy, but after approving of her reflection in the mirror, she locked her dorm and headed for the trail that wound around the courtyard outside.
"Monique, concentrate, you can do this. You did it last week. Remember Yoda’s mantra, ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’" Rozonda and Monique had been practicing levitation techniques all afternoon, but Monique simply could not get the hang of it. Rozonda had been forcing inward smiles down all day. How was it that Monique, an expert fighter who had so easily mastered all forms of dueling and urban combat at such an early age, could not perform such a simple task as levitating a few little rocks? And how odd it was that Monique had proved she could handle this the previous week. Why were the odds against her today?
"Master, please, let us have a break, if not only for a few minutes." Monique’s eyes were literally _yearning_ for a breather.
"Oh, all right," Rozonda said, giving in. I guess we have been going at this for a rather long while."
Monique sighed exasperatedly saying "uh huh," in agreement. They both got to their feet, wiping their behinds free of grass that had stuck to their pants from four hours of sitting. Rozonda then led Monique to the jogging trail.
"If we are done levitating for the day, we might as well walk, eh? I have an important matter to discuss with you."
"An important matter? Of what? Am I in trouble for fighting, well, trying to fight with Jeff the other night?" Monique asked with a hint of panic in her voice.
"Oh, heavens no child. An important matter, yes it is, but nothing to do with the likes of punishing you."
"Than what?" For a moment, Rozonda was able to catch a glimpse of the impatient child Monique had been not too long ago, and from this brought a smile she was not able to contain.
After studying Monique a bit longer, she continued. "The council has decided that in honor of the hard work we--the Jedi-- have all been through this year, they’re going to throw a celebration. A feast, shortly accompanied with a ball. It will be held a week from tomorrow."
Monique looked ready to squeal with delight, and had she not been such a guarded person, she would have. But squeal or no squeal, Rozonda knew Monique well enough to tell that she was excited. The only problem would be getting a date, and deciding what to wear.
What to wear? The very thought sent a lump into Monique’s throat. Perhaps she’d have to go shopping with Rozonda later. If anyone had fashion sense, it was her.
Obi-Wan sat on the couch in his quarters. It had been an entire week since Anikan had left for Tatooine, and Obi-Wan hadn’t heard a single word from him. No holovids, no old-fashioned letters, no nothing.
Was he okay? Perhaps the Hutts had taken him prisoner. Anything could’ve happened. Anything!
The only reassurance Obi-Wan found that night was that if Anikan was in danger, he would have sent him a message through the force, and he would’ve surely felt that. Wouldn’t he? Obi-Wan suddenly regretted having regards for Anikan’s privacy.
"Come on Moni, wake up!" Alejandro shouted, pounding on her door. "It’s almost 2 p.m., you’ve been sleeping all day!"
Inside, Monique couldn’t stop herself from moaning "noooo," upon noticing the time. Not that she had anything really to do that day, she just felt lazy when she slept in.
"Monique, I know you code, and I’m coming in if you don’t open up soon, whether you like it or not."
"Okay, whatever," she mumbled, rolling back over. Alejandro came in, just as he had warned, and took a seat on Monique’s bed. She was on her stomach, and her arms were under her pillow. "You know, I was having the best sleep of my life just then." She gave him a tired smiled before lifting up the covers so he could climb in next to her. Ever since they were children, they had rushed into each other’s rooms when needing a talk. Needless to say, her and Alejandro were comfortable enough with each other that they disregarded having physical boundaries. He switched on her bedside lamp before settling down to talk.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asked, touching her cheek, his head next to hers on the pillow. She raised her eyebrow.
"I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be okay?" she questioned.
Alejandro sighed. "I don’t know, just lately you seem so... so... pale."
"Oh, thanks Alej," she said sarcastically. She turned her head toward the ceiling, but Alejandro pulled it back so that she was looking him in the eyes when he said this.
"No, I’m serious. I haven’t seen you at meals lately, and when you’re not sleeping, all you do is train and jog. You haven’t even argued with anyone since that almost fight with Jeff, but something tells me that this sudden change of behavior has nothing to do with him. Moni, please, tell me something."
She lowered her eyes, and took a moment to respond. "I... I don’t know what’s come over me, I just... I just--" she had to stop. Her eyes were watering, and the last thing she wanted to do was break down again. Alejandro wrapped his arms around her and she buried her head into his chest.
"It’s okay," he whispered. "Whatever it is, it’s okay. You can tell me... you know me." She pulled herself up so that she was somewhat sprawled on his stomach, with her arms around his neck. Alejandro was slightly startled by her affectionate movements, but had no desire to pull away. He knew that she had no intention of being romantic, yet she needed someone. With this in mind, he pulled the covers up over the both of them in the dim room.
"The problem is, I’m being serious too. I really _don’t_ know what’s come over me," she said against his chest. "I’ve been trying so hard to please Rozonda, to be more of what I should be. I know I embarrass her with my foolish impulsiveness."
"Moni, you don’t embarrass her, you never--"
"Yes I do. I heard her talking with Master Antonela, and she didn’t exactly make me sound like the best of students."
"What did she say?"
At this point, Monique broke into tears. "She said that my temper would be my downfall, and if I didn’t watch myself, I’d end up getting both her and I exiled for rule breaking."
"But Moni, you’re not a rule breaker... for say."
"I thought that too, but apparently she’s been pulling strings to keep me here." There was silence for a moment and the only comforting thing Alejandro could think to do was just rub her back. After a few moments, he asked,
"So, this is why you’ve been acting so peculiar? You’ve been trying to... prove yourself? Or to change yourself to please everyone?"
She sniffled. "Yeah, something like that.
He pulled her closer. "Oh Moni, you don’t have to change to please everyone. That’s just not possible. Besides, you please me enough for the whole lot of masters."
"Well, you’re different."
"I am, aren’t I." She laughed at this. Telling someone had released a small burden she’d been keeping in, and sensing her lightened mood, Alejandro decided that this was as good a time as any to pop his question. "Moni, can I ask you something?"
She propped herself on her elbows to look him in the eyes. "Of course you can," she said smiling, having wiped her tears away crudely. He wished she’d just allow herself to be human, and show her emotions, but nevertheless decided to get right to the point, as there was no reason to be embarrassed.
"Would you go to the ball with me? Or... the feast thing, whatever it is?"
Her eyes widened. "Uh... are you serious? I mean, I was so sure you were gonna ask somebody at least more... well, elegant, like Misty to go with you." She said this all very quickly. He smirked.
"Misty? Go with me? Moni, there is no one I’d rather go with than you, and you are elegant, you just don’t give yourself enough credit."
She was so surprised. This was completely unexpected, and she struggled to find words. "Well,... Alej, if you’re sure, I... I’d love to go with you."
Not being able to stop himself, Alejandro leaned up, wrapped his hand around the back of Monique’s head, and kissed her full on the lips. Then, before pulling back, he whispered in her ear, "I’m sure."
Being shocked even further, Monique could only manage a shy smile at him before laying her head back down on his chest. Meanwhile, Alejandro silently cursed himself for his slip. That was not supposed to happen.
Chapter 3; And then... she saw it!
Obi-Wan was busy with paper work when his bedroom door suddenly opened. "Anikan! You’re back, I thought surely you had--" his voice faded to a whisper when he caught a glimpse of Anikan’s tear stained face. He got up from his desk and went over to the shaking boy. "Anikan, what is it? What happened?" he asked quietly.
"Watch it PUNK!" Monique yelled, swerving in her speeder to avoid colliding with a drunk driver. Rozonda had given him the finger, and both were fuming. "What kind of a dumb ass drives like that!? The idiot, I shoulda just hit ‘em!"
"Seriously, he shouldn’t even be on the damn road! He’s gonna get himself killed!" They both sighed grumpily. Every time they had ever driven on the lower levels of Coruscant, someone had come out of nowhere and almost killed them. Monique was immensely relieved to pull up at their destination.
"Here we are. What kind of a dress do you think you’ll get, Master?"
Rozonda smiled. "I don’t know, but whatever I get, it will be fabulous." They entered the shop, and were greeted by a very pretty Twi’lek. She wore tight black flares, and a black halter.
"Hello, can I help you find anything today?"
"Yes, we were looking for formals. There’s a ball coming up any day now, and it’s imperative that we look our best."
"All right. What kind of a ball? Will there be dancing? Feasting?"
"Yes, both."
The Twi‘lek led them over to a rack of expensive dresses. "Okay, then the main question is what features are you both hoping to display." She gestured to Monique. "For you, I might think your height and lean frame." She then turned to Rozonda. "And for you, I would say your cleavage and elegant collar bone. Hmm? How does that sound?" Rozonda nodded and the Twi’lek held up a very low cut dress to her figure. "Oooh, I think this would be so perfect on you..." Monique cut their conversation off and moseyed over to a section of sleek, black formals. Every time she glanced over to the both of them she felt a pang of jealousy course through her veins. Rozonda.
Monique was forever overshadowed by her. Rozonda, such a woman, the object of all men’s affection. How much they would give to only spend 20 minutes with her. Of course, she was the master and Monique knew her position demanded respect, but being padawan to the most beautiful Jedi in the temple had much more cons than pros. For as long as Monique was under her tutelage, she knew she’d never be seen as anything more than Rozonda’s student. Rozonda’s trainee. Rozonda’s apprentice. The very word pupil sent her cursing. Pupil, student, these titles made her sound so childish. How would she ever break free from the grasp of adolescence when she was forever being told to stay behind, to let Rozonda do the important work? She wouldn’t, even though she so wanted to be thought of as more, as a woman. There was a world of difference between being a girl and being a woman, yet she couldn’t quite reach the world of the latter.
"Monique?" Her master’s voice interrupted her train of thought. "Hey, what do you think of this one?" she asked, looking at herself in the mirror. She could at least look at me when we’re talking. Rozonda wore a low cut, blood red dress that hugged her much more than necessary. It had inch wide straps that draped over her shoulders, and the material it was made of seemed to be a thick satin. Typical Rozonda. Gaudy and hopelessly insensible.
Monique pushed her criticism as far back in her mind as possible and forced a smile to her lips. "I think it suits you perfectly, and it’s a wonderful reflection of your fashion sense."
"Good, because I think I’m gonna buy it!" Rozonda squealed. Monique smirked, grateful that Rozonda had failed to notice the sarcasm within her remark.
And then... she saw it!
It was somewhat hidden away in the back of the shop, yet it stood out amazingly amongst the sea of blues and greens. It was like... relief. She strode over to it, in secret awe. Her mouth wasn’t exactly hanging open, but with the way she was feeling, it could’ve been. The dress was made of a fine, slinky material that clung to her hand when she slid it through her fingers. The straps holding it up were as thin as could be without being immediately breakable, and the neck line plunged into an elegant, wide, V shape. The entire backside down to the waist was open, and to top it off, a small, silver chain hung around it. The chain was placed directly where the starting of her hips would be, and looked like it should’ve been slung on just a tad higher, closer to the small of her waist, but it wasn’t. It was perfect, and only added to the cat like grace of it all.
She was more than pleased to find a pair of matching stilettos directly beneath the dress, and stood back to admire the effect that the two combined made. Personally for her, she thought it was absolutely mind blowing.
She was used to the feel of a hand being suddenly planted on her shoulder. She turned to Rozonda. "I’m getting this one." Rozonda’s face showed very little support, if any.
"Are you sure, I mean, it’s nice... I guess, but it’s so... black." Monique sighed. Please Master, don’t honestly tell me you can’t recognize the most beautiful, material creation ever made when you see it.
"Yes, I’m sure," she told her firmly. Then, without another word, Monique scooped up the dress and shoes, and went to pay for them. She may have been the master, but there was no way Monique was going to let Rozonda interfere with how she reflected her own fashion sense, even if she had already admitted to herself earlier that she had none.
"Anikan! Maybe if you’d just tell what happened, I could help you!" Obi-Wan shouted.
"Help me! HELP ME! You can’t help me, she’s already dead! She was dead when I got there! YOU. CAN’T. HELP. ME!!!!!!" Anikan had suddenly exploded a few minutes ago, and was now throwing everything in sight that he could lift at Obi-Wan. He ducked as a couple of holovids came zooming past his head. Knowing he’d need to take this chance while Anikan was busy looking for something to throw, he ran up to him and clasped his rists tightly.
"Anikan, who’s dead? Anikan... you can tell me." Anikan hung his head and wiped his oncoming tears away sloppily.
"My mother," he whispered, eyes shut. And then his voice rose and rung out "MY MOTHER!" Anikan wrenched himself away from Obi-Wan’s grip and headed for his bedroom. Obi-Wan sighed. He knew Anikan would lock himself away for as long as he could, and just when things had finally settled and were looking up too...
Monique once again lay awake in her bed. She had been sifting through her thoughts all evening long, and it was nearing dinner time. She knew she should just go down to the mess hall and grab a bite to eat, but her stomach just wasn’t up to food.
When had everything gotten so messed up? She had liked Rozonda, she had trusted her, looked up to her, admired her in so many ways, but now... now all she could think of was how much she hated Rozonda. Even little things like how she dressed now irked her, when they didn’t before. It was like, ever since she had heard Rozonda practically dissing her, she felt betrayed. It was almost as if she suddenly couldn’t trust Rozonda anymore, because she’d probably just go talk to the other masters about what Monique had said to her. She was probably spreading rumors about her little breakdown right now.
These thoughts just made Monique grit her teeth even harder than she had before. It was getting more and more difficult to endure Rozonda, and her comments. How come had she not noticed this difference before? When had competing with her become such a big deal? Was it the concern of becoming a woman? What?
Giving up, Monique reached over to her bed stand for some water and a sleeping pill. She’d never get any rest with her mind reeling the way it was. It was still early, yes, but maybe with a new day she’d feel better.
Hmmm... maybe.
DISCLAIMER: I did not make any money by writing this story, & all of the usual characters from Star Wars belong to George Lucas.