BOOM!!!!!! A very, very, very VERY large explosion ripped through the tiny space craft, sending Obi-Wan Kenobi across the floor, clutching his arm. He gazed down to see that it was mostly severed from his body, a few pieces of sinew and skin were keeping it attached.
"Ow." he whispered.
Qui-Gon Jinn entered the ship, which hadn't even taken off yet. It had been a very bad mission and he did not want to know how it could have gotten worse. "Good gods padawan, what happened HOLY XXXX! What did you do?"
"Ow." Obi-Wan repeated quietly. Then he collapsed onto the floor, his arm hanging at a right angle.
Slowly, the white dots receded and Obi-Wan's vision returned. He was relieved to feel his somewhat limp arm still attached to his body. Amputation was not a happy thing. Then he saw the rash that was forming on his good arm.
"Why me? Why does this always happen to me?" he demanded.
"Oh good, you're awake." the healer said cheerfully. For some reason, the healers at the temple always insisted on being cheery and optimistic. Generally, if you need to be at the healer's, you are going to be bitter and pessimistic and there is nothing more annoying to someone who is POed than a happy, optimistic person.
Then Qui-Gon entered the room with a cup of coffee. "So, how did you manage to rip your arm off?" he asked. "Before the ship even took off?" he added as an afterthought.
"I don't know! Why is everything my fault! Do you think I wanted to rip my arm off!? Yes, please, let me have some blinding pain! I don't have enough already so I need more!" Then master Yoda entered, just in time to hear his outburst. Obi-Wan burried his head in the pillow of the healer's cot.
Qui-Gon's eyes fixed onto the rash that was forming on Obi-Wan's arm. There were some red scabs on his face as well. "What are those?" he asked.
"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Probly jus from the 'eat 'o th planet or sumthin." The healer said. Then she poked a syringe into Obi-Wan's arm.
"O-o-w!" he responded.
"Judgin' from the fussin' this one's doing, he'll be up n' about in no time at all!" The healer said energetically. Obi-Wan hissed.
"Get some dignity, padawan." Qui-Gon said.
"My arm hurts." he complained.
"Well, did you expect it to feel good?" Qui-Gon asked.
"No I didn't expect it to feel good!"
"Qui-Gon, report to the council you must. Eager to hear the details of the mission we are. Successful it was?" Yoda asked. Qui-Gon's face reddened. Sure, it was successful if you considered being run off the planet because of a mistranslation into the native's tongue and accidentally had to break off a marraige to the princess successful. Obi-Wan stuck out his tongue at Qui-Gon, glad he didn't have to report the mission to the council. Then again, Qui-Gon would probably shift the blame to Obi-Wan, despite the fact that he had told Qui-Gon the question he was answering yes to wasn't 'would you like some more bean dip?'
Qui-Gon and Yoda left the room. "Up you go!" the healer said.
"Huh?"
"Well, there's been quite a run 'n you jedi injurring yeselves n' all so we need this room for another jedi."
"But my arm is hanging off by a thread!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, we ain't sending ya back ta ya room, hun. Yes young enuf ta go ta tha chillin's ward."
Obi-Wan stared at her menacingly, trying to make a sound but all he could get from his throat were unarticulate clicks. Then he stood up and waved his bad arm at her, flopping it wildly at his side.
"Oh, don't make a fuss! It'll only be fo' a little while. Sides, it ain't like you're really old or anything."
"I'm seventeen."
"That's still young, I got pups o' me own that're older than that!"
"I'm sure you do."
"Listen, it's the chillin's ward o' another mission." So Obi-Wan was transferred to the children's ward.
A young girl hit Obi-Wan's head three times. "Will you stop that!?" he shouted. She backed away and started sniffling.
"Now really, is there any reason to scream at a child?" Siri asked as she entered the room. Obi-Wan scowled at her and she laughed. "I'm not surprised they moved you to the children's ward, scowl boy!" She started laughing some more.
"Very witty. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some pouting to do and I'd like to do it without you making fun of me."
"Fine. I'll visit with your room mate then. What's your name little girl?"
"Asrewtlinininiklikrytly."
"I'll just call you Nikki for short."
"How does Nikki fit into Asrewtlinininiklilrytly?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Shut up scowl boy." Siri said.
"Is he always like this?" Nikki asked.
"No, usually he's a lot more boring."
"I'm not boring."
"Yes you are."
"No i'm not."
"Yu huh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Yu huh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Quit fighting! You, scowl boy, sit in the corner and think about what you've done." Nikki said.
"Fine, I'll move the whole XXXXing bed to the corner!" he complained.
"Obi-Wan, language, she's like five!" Siri said, as she whacked him across the head.
"Why thank you, I'm only four and a half. Do I really look five?" Nikki asked, as she straightened her hair. She looked at Siri for a little bit, then walked over to Obi-Wan and slapped him across the face.
"I guess you're failing anger management, what did you do that for!" Obi-Wan demanded.
"I'm a little girl. I'm very impresssionable."
"I like her. What are you in for Nikki?" siri said.
"I've been having lots of seizures and my toe fell off. Wanna see?"
"No thank you. Hey, oafy, what's with the rash?" Siri asked.
"I don't know. My brain dead healer said it was from the heat of the planet we were on. We were on hoth!"
"I bet it's from your bad driving. You look like a very irres- irresp- irresponsible man." Nikki commented.
"Yeah sure, he's a man alright." Siri said, rolling her eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Obi-Wan demanded. Siri poked his arm. "OW!!!" he shouted.
"See?"
"It's gonna fall off if you keep doing that!" he said, covering his bad arm with his good one protectively.
"Baby." Siri said.
"How come they don't just stitch it up? And how come you're in here anyways, you look like you're a hundred and fifty million ba zillion years old."
"I love this kid!" Siri exclaimed.
"Is there a reason you're here Siri, or just to laugh at me?" Obi-Wan asked.
"She's my visitor and you can't kick her out or I'll throw you out the window." Obi-Wan started laughing.
in the gardens
"I have never seen the council laugh harder Tahl. I mean, you'd think they've never seen a case of mistranlation."
"Qui-Gon, you married the princess thinking her name meant bean dip!" Tahl said. She tried unsuccessfully to smother a laugh.
"Hey, what's that sound?" Qui-Gon asked. It sounded like someone screaming. And it was getting closer. Then, in a flash of brown robes, Obi-Wan landed on his master.
"Ow." Obi-Wan whispered.
"Why are you so old?" Nikki asked.
"Is she always like that?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Healer? Healer? Can you knock me out? I need some drugs, something! My arm XXXXing hurts!"
"Padawan, language!"
"Oh yeah, sorry I made your arm fall all the way off, but they sewed it back on! Sides, you shouldn't have laughed at me!" Nikki shouted. Obi-Wan stuck his tongue out at her.
"Told ya you'd ave fun at the chillin's ward." The healer said as she entered.
"You again? Shouldn't you be at the adult's ward?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Yeh, but I switched shifts wit Bessie cuz she got a weddin' tanite." Then she stuck another syringe in Obi-Wan's arm.
"Ow!" he said.
"Toughen up, you's a jedi!" the nurse scolded. Then she gave both Nikki and Qui-Gon lolli pops.
"How come they get lolli pops and I get pricked in the arm?"
"Cuz, when you're arm was gettin' sewed back on an' they didn't scream."
"I got a sticker too." Qui-Gon said, showing off a star on his cast.
"You only got a sticker cuz you started crying." Nikki said.
"If I cry can I have a sticker?" Obi-Wan asked.
"No." the healer said as she walked out.
"I did not cry."
"Did so!"
"Did not!"
"Did so!"
"Did not!"
"Ugg!" Obi-Wan said as he buried his head in his pillow.
Obi-Wan was awakened in the middle of the nite by the sensation of needing to vomit up all of his internal organs. He rushed to the little toilet in their room and found that it had to have been the most poorly maintained toilet in the temple. So he raced into the hallway and threw up in the toilet in the bathroom out there. He threw up things he didn't even realize he'd eaten, and then he dry heaved for awhile. All of his limbs were acheing and he thought his head was being squished. Then he looked into the mirror and screamed as he saw the red blotches that now completely covered his face and all visible parts of his body.
Then the healer came in. "What n' the name o' existence ave ya done ta yaself?"
"Why does everyone think I do these things to myself!!!!" he shouted, then reeled as his own shouting sent a stabbing pain through his head.
"Come on, I'm takin' ya ta my boss."
The next day Qui-Gon limped over to the adult's ward to see what had happened to Obi-Wan. He got there and saw a very bloated, red blotch covered padawan, who was very weak and moaning in discomfort.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Don't talk so loud." Obi-Wan whispered, clutching his skull.
The healer looked at Qui-Gon and motioned for him to have a seat. "It seems your padawan has a very, very, very rare allergy. As a matter of fact, we've never seen anything like this before. He seems to be allergic to bacta."
"What? But we've used bacta on him before."
"Yes, but only in trace amounts in the past. For this surgery to work, we had to load him up on the stuff and his body's been rejecting it. Honestly, this is the first known case of any being being allergic to bacta. This is medical history."
"Great, why don't we just call it Obi-Wan Kenobi syndrome then!" Obi-Wan shouted, then started moaning and holding his head again.
"Anyways, he'll have to be using bacta supplements, which aren't as strong. So we'll have to move him back into the children's ward for awhile. I hope you liked your room mate. You'll be joined by another padawan about your age, she just had an operation on her arm. Siri, I believe her name is."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Ow, owie."
The End
DISCLAIMER: We own none of the characters and there is no profit to be had from this... :( .So sad.