I dig my toes into the sand.
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket.
I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless and in this moment I am happy.
The winds picked up across the vast stretch of beach, moving as if motivated by some unknown purpose. Sand, water and even clouds bent under its will. Everything seemed to bend under the will of the winds. Waves were created, Sands shifted....Rain redirected and even mountains turned into tiny granules of the sand that shifted slightly underfoot.
The falling darkness and heavy humidity surrounded Qui-Gon Jinn. Saturated him with its calm. And he took all he could. All the calm around him...he absorbed best he can. But the emotions within him continued to stir.
He slid down into the sand. Nothing the warmth it still held as he put a hand down to steady him.
He felt light, having removed his heavier Jedi robes. Only wearing a light colored top and pants. His feet bare. It wasn't often a field Jedi were able to remove their garbs and relax like this. Part of him felt that he should be out somewhere, doing something to better the universe. But the rest of him didn't really care...
He curved his back some...resting one arm across his knee....
His hands...he look down at them. They were large hands, strong...fitting for a man his size. Yet not even powerful hands such as his...could have saved her.
I wish you were here, I wish you were here, I wish you were here, I wish you were here.
Funny how something you thought you knew so well, turns out you didn't know it at all.
A few short years ago...was the first time his world had been shaken. He was a stable man, he had his ways...and followed them. And they fit together as it should. But the falling of his second padawan Xanatos shook him to the core. It took him many years to recover from that betrayal. He still wasn't fully recovered from that. For that was the first time he realized, that now matter how much good you could see in everyone....no matter how much you could trust and give....
It could be turned around, just like that.
And that had changed him.
Years later after accepting Obi-Wan as his padawan, he mulled over his Legacy on Gala.
Now years after that...his world had been shaken like never before.
All in once he found the missing piece of his life...a piece he didn't even know was absent. And had it taken away all at once.
He wished he had said those word....three words.
Would she hear them now? Wherever she was.
Why hadn't he just told her he loved her. I love you. That was all he needed to say...
But somehow he knew she already knew that.
Force, he missed her.
I lay my head onto the sand.
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it.
I'm counting ufo's.
I signal them with my lighter
and in this moment I am happy, happy.
The year had passed slowly as any year possibly could. The only thing keeping him sane...a 16, now 17 year old boy.
Obi-Wan had been his guiding light this year passed.
When memories of Tahl threatened to take his calm...he could just look to the young man beside him.
Sometimes he found himself wishing he would look to his other side and see Tahl standing there.
Tall, and beautiful as ever. Life shining vibrantly from her every word.
A joke, a laugh...a word of wisdom...
Her long hair hugging her back in a lose braid...one dark curly strand falling across her cheek, caressing her lightly freckled skin. Freckles you could only see if you looked close enough. Her eyes, all gold and green...exotic.
He missed all of her. And wished she were here now...sitting in the sand, bringing to his attention something he had missed...perhaps some sound in the wind.
But the only sound in the wind now was emptiness.
A warmth crossed his cheeks, even against the cool ocean winds. A stinging that felt like electricity rushed into his face. He hadn't felt this way since he was so much younger. Warm tears appeared in his eyes.
They stunned him...and instead of being ashamed by them as he would have been....he smiled.
This was another gift of Tahl's love he had discovered.
Emotion.
Another hidden treasure he began to embrace...
And for the moment his heart no longer wrenched painfully at the thought of his loss.........but lifted at the memories of what they had.
...love
I wish you were here. The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
Maybe I should hold with care, but my hands are busy in the air.
His fingers dug into the warm sand for no other reason than it felt good. And he stretched out his legs letting his other hand fall to the ground and find its place in the sands.
The water was vast in front of him....its melodic rushing in and out continued....
The waves continued to move...
The winds continued to move...
And so would he.
He had been so shaken by his revelation that he could love another, he feared that he would lose faith in his beliefs.
But it was the opposite.
Never had he felt so strongly about being a Jedi. About helping others...about training Obi-wan.
His head tilted upwards...toward the sky, letting the wind do as it pleased with his long hair. The tears still formed on his eyelashes....warm, but he made no effort to push them away. He had also realized there was a time and place for everything......and that there was no better time than now....and no better place than here.
It was ok for him to have feelings.
He thanked Tahl silently as he had done so many times recently...she taught him the truth about himself.
wish you were here, I wish you were here, I wish you were here, I wish you were here.
He took another deep breath of salt air. It was warm and humid on Mon calamari.
He was grateful to be here at this time.
The Jedi charterhouse on this planet was quite peaceful. He had at first wanted to refuse to go...but Bant had insisted.
She had become so very much like Tahl in her absence. More vibrant...less soft spoke. She was quick to offer her opinion, and had become mother hen to he and Obi.
He was grateful for her as a friend for Obi-Wan... even more so, he was grateful for her as a friend to himself.
She stop being a dear friend of his Padawans long ago. She was no a dear friend.....period.
He stood, wiping the fine sands on his pants.
One quick glance across the waters and he seemed restored.
The ocean had that power. It was full of energy. Not just living force...or unifying force. But everything in between.
He decided he had been away from there room long enough, he didn't Obi-Wan to worry.
He made his way up toward the balcony of there quarters. All quarters were open to the ocean...it was nice.
The lights were off, and the boy was obviously asleep.
He snuck a peak inside, and surely enough on the sleep couch lie his padawan...barefoot asleep. But he was not alone.
His head rested in Bant's lap, and she run her petite fingers though his short-cropped hair. In her other hand lie a book that she was engrossed in, and one light remained on...dimmed as not to disturb him.
He smiled silently at her, and she smiled back.
Then he turned his head out to the ocean once more...
will I ever stop missing you? he didn't get an answer.....he didn't expect one.
But he stand there for how knows how long...straining to hear the ocean...maybe her voice just once more....tell him the answer.
DISCLAIMER: Every complex planet, each new hidden plot, all those fine Jedi-Padawans….George Lucas Owns the lot. And I promise to put them where I found them, when I’m Finished. I obviously don’t make any money off of this, o! r Id be living in LA with my new Man Orlando Bloom.