"I'm bored. Let's watch a movie or something." Luke said as he stretched out on the couch.
"Y'know, ever since peace was returned to the galaxy and the death star went boom, you've become very boring. Why do we even come over your house anymore?" Leia repsonded.
"You guys aren't exactly intellectually stimulating companions either. Besides, this is my down time. I'm not boring when I'm not with you, and it's a fair trade. The new jedi trainees brought the roof down on us today. I just knew they weren't ready to work with real lightsabers yet." Luke answered.
"How bad do you have to be to bring the roof down with a lightsaber? The blade's as big as a large stick!" Han said.
"Yeah, but it can extend to be pretty long and the roof in there is kinda low. On account of they're fixing the other level Kiara brought down when she sent Althaus into the supporting column. That building used to be really nice looking."
"Okay, well watching a movie isn't so bad if that's what you do to not be boring. What do you have?" Lando asked.
"A very bad selection. Go rent something." Luke said.
"Why don't you?" Leia asked.
"My membership was torn up. XXXXing kids, I save the galaxy and I still have to pay those damn late fees. I tell you I was in the Outer rim and they expected me to drag my ass back to Coruscant just so they could get their damn movies back!"
"Okay then I'll go." Leia said.
"No way, you'll get another one of those damn chick flicks!" Han snapped.
"You didn't complain about Beaches. I think you actually enjoyed it." Han's cheeks began to color a little. "Besides, you'll get one of those intellectually devoid action movies." Leia snapped.
"There's gotta be a happy medium. I'll go with you guys and see what we can find." Luke said.
"I'll sit on my ass and eat all of your food." Lando added.
"The most important of the jobs." Leia said as the three of them exited.
The vid-chip renting store had had a run over the weekend, almost all of the new releases were out. Leia started wandering around the back end of the store. She found a very cryptic looking shelf with no label. Leia was drawn to a box in the corner. It had a picture of a humanoid looking creature on it, wearing lingerie and high heels. It was reclining in a pair of the fullest red lips Leia had ever seen. It was labeled the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Leia reached for it.
"What's this?" Han asked. Their hands touched the box at the same time. Then a brilliant light washed over them.
Janet Weiss covered her head with a newspaper and followed her fiancee, Brad Majors, through the forest. Their car had broken down and they were searching for a castle they had seen to use their phone.
Her eyes were drawn to a tree with a glistening light near it. She tugged at Brad's arm and led him to the tree. "What is it Janet?"
"I want to see what it is!" She said. She bent down and looked. A small rectangular box. It had a picture of a man in a black mask. It was labeled Star Wars, Episode VI return of the jedi. She bent over to pick it up and observe it more carefully. Brad did at the same time. As their hands touched the box, a strange light engulfed them.
Luke watched Leia and Han dissappear as a light swept over them. He ran over to the corner, lightsaber drawn, and saw them replaced by another couple. His first impression was that they were the geekiest looking humans he had ever seen.
The woman screamed at the sight of his lightsaber. "Who are you and what have you done with Han and Leia?" Luke demanded. The woman fainted into the man's arms.
"I'm Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss. We have no idea what we're doing here. We touched a weird looking box and were brought here."
"Weird looking...so did Han and Leia! You switched places! I wonder how..."
"Well, maybe we should just touch the box again." Brad said.
"Yeah, but they need to touch it at the same time as well. I'm guessing."
"It's a pretty logical conclusion. I'm sure they'll arrive at the same one."
"What happened? Where are we?"
"I don't know. What's Star Wars?" Han asked as he picked up a box lying next to him. He lazily threw it aside. Leia spotted a castle in the distance.
"Let's go there and ask them for help." Han nodded and they started to walk towards the castle. Leia picked up some newspaper she spotted nearby and covered her hair from the rain with it. Suddenly, she felt the urge to sing.
"In the velvet darkness of the blackest night, burning bright, there's a guiding star. No matter what or who you are." Han was about to ask her what she was doing. When he opened his mouth, he found himself harmonizing with her.
"There's a light-" Suddenly phantom voices chimed in "Over at the Frankenstein place!" Han looked around, trying to see them. He was still singing with Leia. "There's a light (burning in the fire place) There's a light, light, in the darkness of everybody's life."
Leia pointed to a butler eerily illuminated in one of the windows. He burst into a solo. "The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morpheus slow, let the sun and light come streaming into my life. Into my life!" Then Leia, Han and the Phantoms sang another round of the chorus. Not looking at each other and trying not to think about what had just happened, they went up to the door and rang the bell. The butler appeared moments later.
"Hello." he said in one of the creepiest voices they had ever heard.
"Hi. I'm Han Solo and this is my fiancee Leia Organna. I'm wondering if you might help us, you see our car broke down a few miles down the road. Do you have a phone we might use?" Han wondered where those words had come from, and what a car and phone were.
"You're wet." The butler noted.
"Yes, it's raining." Leia responded, wondering what was wrong with him. Just then some lightning illuminated a row of motorbikes.
"I think perhaps you'd better both come inside." The butler said. He moved aside. "This way." He led them into the main room of the castle. A huge stairway was to the right of them, a grandfather clock near that. They could hear music coming from another room.
"Are you having a party?" Leia asked.
"You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs."
"Oh, lucky him." Leia said.
"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, WE'RE ALL LUCKY!!!!" A maid slid down the rail of the stairway and burst into hysterical laughter. She tossed a duster to the butler as the grandfather clock began to chime. The butler opened the front with the duster, revealig a skeleton. Leia wondered what was wrong with these people. Then the butler began to sing.
"It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes it's toll. But listen closely."
"Not for very much longer!" The maid sang as she snuck up on Han and Leia.
"I've got to keep control." The butler flashed them a knowing smile and went into a louder song, dancing around the room and kicking his legs. "I remember doing the Time Warp! Drinking those moments when the darkness would hit me!" He slid his arms up against the maid's as they sang "And the void would be calling-" At that point Leia and Han were pushed into the party room. A bunch of oddly dressed men and women stared at them and sang "Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!"
A man from out of nowhere explained. "It's just a jump to the left." The partiers took that jump and added "And a step to the ri-i-i-i-i-ght!" "With your hands on your hips-" The old manexplained. "You bring your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrust, that really drives you insane! Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!" The partiers finished.
The maid burst into song and started dancing around the room. "It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me! So you can't see me, no not at all! In another dimension, with voyeristic intention, well secluded I see all!"
"With a bit of a mind flip." The butler mused.
"You're into the time slip!" The maid sang, and gasped as she started rubbing herself with some kind of bird thing hanging against the wall.
"And nothing can ever be the same." The butler added.
"You're spaced out on sensation, Ah!" The maid shouted.
"LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDATION!" The butler shouted. Leia unexpectedly backed into Han. Then everyone shouted "Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!" Leia and han turned to leave as the group burst into another chorus, but the door was locked so they just stood next to it. Another girl, with pink hair, started singing from on top of a counter in the corner.
"Well I was walking down the street just a having a think when a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink. He shooka me up, he took me by surprise. He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes. He looked at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again!" Then everyone. "Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!" They did another chorus, and then the pink haired woman tap danced around the room. One more chorus and then everyone collapsed onto the ground. Leia poked Han.
"Say something."
"Say!" Han said. Everyone looked up at him expectantly. "Any of you guys know how to Madison?" Leia burried her head in her hand. Then they backed away towards the door and argued over whether they should stay and ask for the phone or leave and find sane people. Then Leia turned around and saw the creature from the box. It was humanoid, but she couldn't tell if it was male or female. At the sight of him she screamed. He started singing.
"How d'you do I see you've met my faithful handy man." At the sound of his low voice, Leia was sure he was a man and he motioned to the butler at handy man. "He's just a little brought down because when you knocked he thought you were the candy man. Don't get strung up by the way I look. Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day but by night I'm one hell of a lover." At this point he flung back his cape and revealed his lingerie. "I'm just a sweet transvestite from transexual Transylvannia-ha-ha!"
He walked over to them. "Let me show you around maybe play you a sound? You look like you're both pretty groovy." He bit his slip at that. "Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal we could take in an old Steve Reeves movie!"
"I'm glad we caught you at home. Can we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry." Han said as he approached the weirdo.
"Right!" Leia chimed in.
"We'll just say where we are then go back to the car. We don't want to be any worry."
"Well you got caught with a flat, well, how bout that?" The man sang as he splashed water from a paper cup behind his shoulder. "Well babies, don't you panic. But the light of the night, it'll all seem alright. I'll get you a satanic mechanic. I'm just a sweet transvestite." The pink haired woman got up and they both started to provocativly sway their hips. "From Transsexual Transylvannia-ha-ha!" Frank draped himself over a throne. One of the guests had called him that, Dr. Frank N. Furter. The butler stood to his right, the maid behind him and the pink haired woman to his left.
"Why don't you stay for the night?"
"Night!" The three repeated.
"Or maybe a bite?"
"Bite!" The pink haired woman licked his leg.
"I could show you my favorite obsession. I've been making a man. With blond hair and a tan. And he's good for relieving my tension." Leia wondered exactly what kind of tension that might be. "I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transexual Transylvania-ha-ha. Hey! Hey! I'm just a sweet tranvestite!" Frank spanked himself as he jumped off of the throne. He proceeded to run down the hall. "From Transexual Transylvania-ha-ha." He paused inside the elevator and looked at Han and Leia. "So, come up to the lab and see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici- (SAY IT!!!) -pation. But maybe the rain is really to blame. So I'll remove the cause." Frank laughed a little. "But not the symptom!" Then the elevator went up.
"What kinda freak are we stuck with?" Han asked.
"I don't know. My... his make up is interesting." To say the least, Leia thought. She was about to comment on the fishnets when she felt hands around her waist. The maid was taking her dress off! She slapped the maid's hand and tried to protest.
"Just go along with it!" Han insisted. Then he whispered to her, "We don't wanna piss off the psychos."
"Slowly, slowly, it's too nice of a job to rush!" The pink haired woman said as she approached. The maid draped Leia's clothes over the pink haired woman's arm. The butler did the same with Han's. Han introduced them again. Pretty soon Leia was standing there in a bra, underpants and a half slip.
"You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratry. Some people would give their right arm for the privelige."
"People like you, perhaps?" Han commented.
"Ha! I've seen it!" Leia cried out in dismay as the woman flung their clothes all over the floor. The maid pushed her towards the elevator before she could pick them up. She wondered what being naked had to do with going up to the laboratory. Not that she was naked, she was just uncomfortably close. The elevator started up.
"Is he, Frank I mean, is he your husband?" Leia asked innocently. The three laughed.
"The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are merely his servants." The butler responded. Again, Leia wondered what kind of castle they were in.
Luke, Lando, Chewy, Brad and Janet sat in Luke's living room. Brad and Janet had their hands on the Rocky Horror Box. They had been sitting their with their hands on the box for a half hour.
"I don't think your friends are intelligent enough to touch the box." Brad concluded. "We'll have to find another way."
"What else can we do?" Luke asked.
"Well... someone should keep their hand on the box at all times. That way, if someone else were to pick up the box, they could trade places. Since we've figured this thing out already, we would be able to get Han and Leia to touch the box." Brad said.
"Yeah... okay so if someone goes in then you two have to hold the box." Lando said, glancing at Brad and Janet.
"How's that Chewy? He made a plan. Now you don't have to swat his head off." Luke said. Chewy made a dissapointed sound. Upon Luke's re-entry with Brad and Janet, Chewy had convinced himself Brad and Janet were responsible for Han and Leia's dissappearance. And face it, it wasn't easy to find another reason to hate Brad and Janet. There was something about them... Luke couldn't help thinking Asshole and Slut when he looked at them.
"I'll go get some drinks. This is gonna be a long night." Lando said.
Han and Leia were pushed out of the elevator into the 'Lab'. It was a giant room, with a ramp going around one side of it. The party guests were crowded onto that. Frank stood in the center of the room on the first level. He was wearing a teal lab coat over his lingerie and he held pink rubber gloves in his hands. "Magenta." The maid stepped forward on his call. "Colombia." The pink haired woman followed. "Go and assisst Riff Raff." The three went to the back of the room where some lab equipment was. "I'll entertain..." He extended his hand. Han shook it and once again introduced themselves.
"My, what charming underclothes you both have, but take these." He said, handing them plain white robes. "They'll make you feel less... vulnreable." 'I'd feel less vulnerable with my clothes on' Leia thought as she put on the robe. "You knnow it's not often we receive guests up here. Let alone offer them hospitality."
"Hospitality!" Han said. "All we wanted to do was use your telephon, God damn it! A reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore!"
"Han, don't act ungrateful!" Leia warned, wondering where don't piss off the psychos had gone.
"Ungrateful!"
"What a fine specimen of manhood you are Han. So dominant." Frank said, with a look at Han's crotch. Han immediately closed his robe as people began to stare at his little Han. Frank walked away from them and over to a red tank. Han and Leia stood nearby and watched.
"Tonight, my unconventional conventionists," Frank said, addressing the entire crowd. "You are to witness a breakthrough in biochemical research and paradise is to be mine!" All of the guests started clapping. Leia did until Han gave her a nasty look.
She wondered why he was being such a prick. Sure, they were with a bunch of freaky strangers, but she was starting to have fun. Frank was witty and pleasant towards them, and she was curious what his experiment was.
The lights went out, waking Leia from her reverie. She watched as a sphere was lowered from the ceiling. Frank turned some knobs and some colored liquid went into the red tank. Then a bandaged creature sat up. Magenta removed the bandages from the head, revealing a handsome man with bright blond hair. Frank was thrilled. He kicked a leg in the air and shouted "Oh Rocky!"
Rocky started singing. "The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head. And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread. Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery oh oh! and can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer!" Magenta and Colombia were busily teaing the bandages from his body as he sang, revealing a very muscular, tan body. He was prefect looking, Leia thought. From his bright blue eyes, muscular chest, blond hair, what part of a perfect man stereotype did this guy not include? She wondered if what was under his gold speedo was as perfect as the rest of him.
"I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed!" Rocky sang. The conventionists responded "That ain't no crime!" "And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread (that ain't no crime!) My high is low. I'm dressed up with noplace to go! And all I know, is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer!" At last, Rocky was entirely unbandaged, and thus uncovered save the gold speedo. Frank ran for Rocky, not able to contain his excitement. Rocky ran up the ramp and what followed was a very interesting song with Frank chasing after Rocky and calling for him. It ended back at the red tank.
"Really! That's no way to behave on your first day out!" Frank scolded. "But um, since you're such an exceptional beauty, I'm prepared to forgive you." Rocky happily tapped the red bars. Leia wondered how a person with such a god singing voice couldn't talk.
Frank turned to Leia and Han. "Leia and Han, what do you think of him?" He asked. Leia paused for a minute. Well... there was only one thing to say that wouldn't offend Han.
"I don't like men with too many muscles." Nope, he was embarassed from this. Everyone laughed at him. Frank glared.
"I didn't make him for you!" Now the guests laughed again. "He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.
"A weakling weighing 98 pounds will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground. And soon in the gym with a determined chin. The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause will make him glisten and gleam and with massage and just a bit of steam." At this point, Frank traced a careful finger down Rocky's chest, abdomen and then lifted off just above the tip of his speedo. "He'll be pink and quite clean. He'll be a strong man! Oh honey! But the wrong man!"
Colombia wheeled out a vaulting horse. This joined Rocky's weight set as a birthday gift. "He'll do pressups and chin ups. Do the snatch clean and jerk. He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work. Such an effort, if he only knew of my plan! In just seven days, oh baby, I can make you a ma-a-a-a-a-an!" As he sang the last part, sitting on top of the vaulting horse, Frank started humping it.
"This guy's a few pumpkins short of a full pie." Han whispered to Leia. Leia nodded and continued to watch.
"He'll eat nutricious, high protein and swallow raw eggs. Try to build up his shoulders, chest arms and legs. Such strenuous living I just don't understand, when in just seven days, oh baby, I can make you a ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-an!"
Frank embraced Rocky. Then a beeping noise coming from behind them distracted everyone. Frank cried out in shock. He and Rocky raced away from the freezer they had been standing in front of. The door slammed on the ground. "EDDIE!!!" Colombia squealed and ran forward. Everyone screamed as a motorcycle broke through the ice wall. A chubby man jumped off of the motorcycle. He flung his helmet on the ground, revealing slicked black hair. There was a big scar on his forhead, still a little bloody and bruised. A saxaphone was strapped to his back. He too began to sing, but his song was very different.
"Whatever happened to Saturday night? When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright. It don't seem the same since cosmic light came into my life, I thought I was divine. I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go, and listen to the music on the radio. The saxaphone was blowing on a rock n' roll show. Climb in the backseat, really had a good time! Hot patootie bless my soul! I really love that rock n' roll! Hot patootie bless my soul, I really love that rock'n roll!"
Eddie proceeded to flirtily dance with Colombia and then go into a saxaphone solo. Then he flung the saxaphone aside and started the second verse. "My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt. My hands kinda fumbled with her white plastic belt. I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt. She'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine." He was making Colombia squirm, the way he sang that to her. Then he suddenly pulled away and started to sing to Han and Leia. "Get back in front and put some hair oil on. Buddy Holly was singing his very last song. With your arms around your girl you'd try ta sing along. Felt pretty good, woo! Really had a good time! Hot patootie bless my soul! I really love that rock n' roll! Hot patootie bless my soul! I really love that rock n' roll!"
Eddie jumped on Colombia, who pulled her against him. They messily kissed each other and grabbed at each other. All of the guests were dancing and singing. So was Rocky. Leia noticed Frank grab Rocky and put him in the elevator. Then he went into the freezer.
Eddie pulled himself away from Colombia. He kissed his hand and blew it at her. Then he hopped on his bike and rode around the ramp, still singing. Some people had to jump over the edge to avoid being hit by him. He arrived on the other side, jumped off the bike and went towards Colombia's open arms. Then Frank came out of the freezer with a pick. Colombia screamed, but didn't do anything as Frank chased Eddie into the freezer and bludgeoned him with the pick axe.
Frank emerged from the freezer, his apron bloody. He stumbled a bit and released his pick axe. He turned to the group and smirked. "One from the vaults." Everyone laughed nervously. Then Rocky began pounding on the iron doors of the elevator. "Oh Baby!"
Frank ran to the elevator and released Rocky, who was giving him the cold shoulder. Frank moved closer to the lithe body. "Don't be upset. It was a mercy killing. He had a certain, naive charm. But no muscle." Rocky leaned his elbow against Frank, his muscled chest rubbing against the apron. Frank cried out in excitement then continued his song.
"But a deltoid and a bicep, a hot groin and a tricep, makes me oooooooo, shake! Makes me wanna take Charles Atlas by the hand! In just seven days, oh baby, I can make you a ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-an!" Magenta took off Frank's soiled apron. Frank walked down the line of people watching him, kicking his heels up as he did so. "I don't want no disension. Just! Dynamic tension."
"I'm a muscle fan!" Leia sang. Han glared at her.
"In just seven days, oh baby! I can make you a ma-a-a-a-a-a-an! Dig it! If you ca-a-a-a-a-an! In just seven days! I can make you a ma-a-a-" Frank's voice trailed off. Bridal music came out of nowhere. A cutain was lifted and a bridal suite was revealed. Frank linked arms with Rocky and led him to the satiny bed. The guests threw confetti at the two. As the curtain was replaced, Leia caught sight of Frank leaping into Rocky's arms, wrapping his legs around his waist.
Luke sipped some coffee and tried to keep his eyes open. How the hell could they have missed that damn tape? It was almost midnight. He knew his future brother in law was a bit dumb sometimes, but God damn it! And Leia, what about her? She was a bright girl!
Brad took his hand off the box and stretched his cramped fingers. Janet slapped him. "What if we just missed our chance? It's your turn, keep your hands on the box!" Brad was too tired to argue so he obidiently obeyed.
"I hope they figure this out soon." Lando said, burying his head into the couch.
Leia walked into the room she had been shown to. There was a wash basin in the corner and a canope bed. Everything was a disconcerting shade of pink. Colombia threw a pink robe at her and walked down the hall, laughing. Leia noticed a small camera in the ceiling, and quickly covered herself with the robe. She walked over to the bed and threw the robe on the floor as soon as she was in it. She sighed.
At first the place had been fun and kind of kinky. Well... very kinky. But now it was scaring her. Frank had killed Eddie in cold blood for no real reason at all. He was a madman, and she didn't even have a toothpick to defend herself with. She shuddered at the thought of being near him alone. And she was alone. For some reason, Riff Raff had insisted they sleep in seperate rooms. She leaned her head against the pillow.
"Go to sleep. Tomorrow you can wake up, get Han and get away from this castle. And try to find out how to get home." She was starting to drift off when she heard a noise at the door. She sat up in bed and reached for the blaster that wasn't there. Then she curled her fingers into a fist and waited.
"It's just me Leia." She sighed with relief, it was just Han.
"Well c'mere. How'd you get away from those guys? Nevermind. I have a really bad feeling about this place."
"It's okay, we'll be gone in the morning." Han began kissing her neck. His fingers slid down her waist and he fingered the edge of her slip. Her hands ran up and down his back. She smiled. Then one of her hands caught his hair and the wig came off. It was like a light went on in a dark room, though nothing about the room had changed. She found herself staring at Frank N Furter!
"You!" She cried, and jumped away from him. He trapped her in his arms.
"I'm afraid so Leia, but isn't it nice!" His fingers traced the inside of her thigh. She held back a moan and punched him in the chest.
"Get away from me! I'm spoken for!" He continued kissing her neck while his hands moved to tease her breasts. "Han... Han!"
"He's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you... like this!" Frank lifted her waist so that her legs were on either side of his hips. She pulled away and hit him again.
"Like this like hell! You tricked me! I never would have touched you!" She spat furiously.
"Come on Leia. I think you rather enjoyed my touch. Han needn't know. I won't tell him." He touched her again and she stiffened. He smiled wickedly. "There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure."
His hands skillfully teased her body and she moaned. He was definetely better than Han, and they hadn't even done much yet. She considered. "You promise you won't tell?"
"Cross my heart and hoped to die." She couldn't help but smile at the way he said that. Then suddenly, she was giggling. He laughed too. She kicked her legs in the air and sank into the sensations running through her.
Han strode into the room and cast the robe on the floor. It was only a few feet to the bed, what the hell had she given him the robe for. He banged into the water basin on the way. "Why is everything in this room so... blue." He sighed and climbed into the canopie bed.
He was uncomfortable, to say the least. Jealousy was not something he had ever wanted to bring into his relationship with Leia. With her, the best it would get him was a cracked rib from the insult it would give her. But he really didn't like the way she had looked at Rocky. Or Frank. Why the hell did he feel like she was checking out Frank? He rolled over and pulled the blankets tighter. Didn't matter, they'd be gone tomorrow.
Han heard a sound at the door. He wished he had a blaster and continued to listen. "Han?" A curious voice.
"Leia! How did you get here. Never mind, you're here now."
"Oh, Han, it's so terrible here. I swear, they're watching us!" She climbed into the bed and pressed herself against him. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair.
"It's okay, we'll be gone in the morning." That's when the wig came off and he found himself cuddling Frank N. Furter. He immediately pulled away. "You!" He shouted accusingly.
"I know Han, but isn't it nice!" Frank ran a hand down Han's chest towards his-
"Get away from me you creep! I'm spoken for! And hetero!" But Frank was insistant. His hand continued working around the edge of Han's underpants. Han was very disturbed by his reaction, because frankly it didn't feel half bad. "Leia... Leia!"
"She's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you...like this!" Frank brought both of Han's legs in the air around his waist.
"Like this like hell!" Han shouted, pulling away from Frank. "You tricked me! I never would have touched you! NEVER!"
"Oh come now Han, there's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure. I don't think you find it half bad. Not even a quarter bad. And I won't tell Leia, she needn't know." A moan escaped Han's lips as Frank's lips touched his cock. He didn't like what he was about to say, but he would go mad if he didn't know what Frank could do.
"You promise you won't tell?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die." Then Frank's mouth returned to Han's cock and he sank into the feel of Frank's pleasure.
Leia sat up in bed. She couldn't sleep. She felt so guilty about what she'd done with Frank, what she'd done to Han. He would never know if she didn't tell, but she would go mad with the guilt inside her anyhow. This place, these people, it was all tearing her apart. She needed to go.
She climbed out of the bed, not pausing to put the robe on, and rushed out the door. She walked down the hallways of the castle until she hesitantly entered the lab. She found a red boxish thing hanging in the corner. It was the screen for the security cameras. She lifted a handle and the screen turned to Han's room. She saw him smoking a cigarette at the edge of the bed while Frank reclined beside him. She felt her legs turn to jelly and had to catch herself as the shock coursed through her mind.
"Oh Han! How could you? How could I?" She stepped away from the screen. "Damn this castle!" She heard a groan coming from the red tank and cried out with fear. Then she saw Rocky hesistantly reach his head over the edge. She stepped forward.
"You're hurt!" She cried out, upon seeing the cuts and scratches that covered the muscular body. She noticed a particularly bloody gash on his hand. She tore off a piece of her slip and wrapped his around his hand. He placed his tan hand over hers and she felt butterflies in her stomach. She looked away from Rocky for a second. 'What am I doing? Cheating on Han twice in a few hours, that's gotta be a low. But he cheated on me...' She let the last thought trail off. Suddenly, she felt the urge to sing.
"I was feeling done in. Couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before..." She ran her hand across Rocky's chest. In the back of her mind, she could have sworn she heard voices going 'You mean she?....Uh huh.'
"I thought there's no use getting into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble and seat wetting. Now all I want to know is how to go-o-o-o-o. I've tasted blood and I want more." 'More,more, more!' "I'll put up no resistance, I want to stay the distance. I've got an itch to scratch! I need assisstance! Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me, I want to be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!"
She hesitantly pulled from Rocky. He looped his arms over her body and turned back to her. She smiled and once again their bodies were rubbing together. "Then if anything grows while you pose I'll oil you up and rub you down!" 'Down, down down!' "And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction. You need a friendly hand, oh and I need action! Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me! I want to be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!" 'Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me!' 'I want to be dirty!' 'Thrill me chill me fulfill me!' 'Creature of the night!'
Another moan escaped Leia's lips as Rocky pressed himself against her. "Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me!" Another moan, the song was becoming a plea now. "I want to be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night!" Then it was like she heard lots of voices in her head repeating creature of the night. She moaned again and collapsed into the bottom of the tank, Rocky on top of her and ready.
Luke's hand was shaking as he sipped the coffee again. Leia was force sensitive as well. They had quite a bond, and he could alwys feel some levels of the emotions she felt. A while ago, he had been feeling fear. Now some unfulfilled lust was going through his system, and he was warring with the urge to take his hand off the box and slip it into his pants. Usually, they had shields up when they were fucking, but tonight Leia wasn't as cautious. Or maybe the slide into wherever she was had gotten rid of them. Whatever the reason, it was making an uncomfortable situation for Luke.
Luke was thinking on how to get back at Leia, when he saw a sudden burst of light. Within minutes, he was in the middle of a wet forest. Instead of the Rocky Horror box, Luke was now holding a Star Wars box. He flung it under a rock and looked around. There was a castle nearby. No doubt he should go there to find Han and Leia.
He made it to the doors and rang the bell several times. No answer. So he walked in. He called out a few times. It occured to him that the people were probably sleeping. He was about to leave, when he felt something pull him around the castle. He went through a wall and ended up in a laboratory.
"Great Scott!" Han shouted. Out of nowhere, a roll of toilet paper beaned Luke on the side of the head. He looked around, confused. A transvestite, an eccentric butler, a creepy maid and Han were standing by a TV screen. He could feel Leia's presence, as well as another's nearby, but he didn't know where. "Luke?"
"Han! Where are we?"
"You know this earthling?" Riff Raff asked. "Person?" He corrected, as Frank elbowed him.
"Yeah, that's my sister's fiancee." Luke said. He recognized the tranvestite as the man from the box. "You look familiar."
Frank turned to Han. "I see. So this wasn't merely a chance meeting, was it? You sent Han and the female to check the layout so you could enter later, that was the plan wasn't it? Well the plans are to be changed."
"I assure you, I'm as clueless as they are." Luke insisted.
"You work for your government, on the FBI. You investigate aliens and that sort, of which you call UFOs!" Frank accused as he prodded Luke with the butt of a whip.
"No!" Luke insisted. Frank was about to whip him, when a moan came from the tank. They all turned and saw Leia and Rocky emerge from the tank. Both nude and covering themselves with a crimson blanket.
"Luke!"
"Rocky!"
"Leia?"
"Han!"
"Luke!"
"Rocky!"
"Leia!"
"Han!"
"Rocky!"
After their little outburst, Frank looked prepared to strangle Leia, when a gong sounded. They turned and found Magenta standing on the ramp. "Master, dinner is prepared!" She shouted.
"Great. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional!" Frank said loudly. Leia grimaced at the insult.
"Who the hell is that!" Lando shouted.
"Great Scott!" Brad exclaimed. From out of nowhere, a roll of toilet paper hit him on the side of the head. "I take it Luke made it into our world.
"Who are you?" Lando demanded of the crusty looking old guy in the wheelchair.
"My name is Dr. Everett Scott. I am looking for Frank N. Furter and my nephew Eddie." The man answered.
"Dr. Scott, we were sucked into an alternate reality somehow. Luke traded places with you and he's going to get us back home. We just have to keep our hands on the box." Brad answered.
"Brad! Janet! I didn't expect to see you!"
"We have good news. We got engaged. We were looking for you, but we got sent here."
"Well that's wonderful-" Then Chewy slammed his fist against Dr. Scott's head. Dr. Scott slumped over in his chair, unconcious.
"Now really, what was that for?" Janet asked, slightly annoyed.
"Chewy wants to sleep." Lando answered. Brad and Janet sat down. They had already learned not to piss off the wookie. He was a wee bit temperamental. Brad put his hand on the box and continued to wait.
The odd ensemble headed into a dimly lit dining hall. Once they were sitting at the table, it became impossible to see who else was in the room. Magenta and Riff Raff wheeled in a cart with some kind of meat on it. They dumped the tray on the table. Frank started carving up the strange meat. Riff Raff and Magenta went around the table and filled everyone's glasses with wine. Luke tentavly sipped his, then decided it was okay and took another sip. He couldn't stop staring at the people they were stuck with. Brad and Janet weren't as odd as this. They were annoyingly dorky, but not like this!
Frank lifted his glass. "A toast. To absent friends." Everyone repeated and sipped their glasses. "Now, we're here to discuss something.
'Eddie' something whispered in the back of Luke's mind.
"Eddie!?" Colombia shouted. Frank silenced her with the carving knife. Luke hadn't realized he had spoken the thought out loud.
"What do you know of Eddie?" Frank demanded.
Luke felt something else take over his system, he was no longer controling what was said. "I happen to know a great deal of things for you see Eddie is my nephew."
"No he's not." Leia whispered to Han.
"Well I know that. Just go along with it. Weirder things have happened tonight." Han answered.
"Such a tender subject. What a juicy matter." Frank said between bites of his meat. Leia lowered her silver ware, deciding it best not to eat the strange meat. Han concurred. Rocky and Luke continued, oblivious to what Frank had implied. Colombia quietly stood and walked over to the door.
"Excuse me." She whispered. She left the room. As soon as the door was closed, they could hear screaming sobs coming from the next room. Luke raised an eyebrow.
"Now, what do you know of Eddie?" Frank repeated. Again, Luke had lost control of his voice. This time he sang:
"From the day he was born (not the nite but the day) he was trouble (not monopoly but trouble) he was the thorn (not the rose but the thorn) in his mother's side (not the front but the side 'back side!') she tried in vain (not the heart but the vain)"
"But he never caused her nothing but shame." Han sang.
"Shame shame shame." Leia agreed.
"He left home the day she died. From the day she was gone, all he wanted was rock n' roll porn and a motor bike. Shooting up junk," Luke continued.
"He was a lowdown cheap little punk." Han added.
"Taking everyone for a ride! When Eddie said he didn't like his teddie you knew he was a no good kid. But when he threatened your life with a switch blade knife-"
"What a guy," Frank sang.
"Makes you cry," Leia sang.
"Unt I did." Luke finished. From the other room, they could hear Colombia's passionate verse:
"Everybody shoved him. I very nearly loved him. I said hey listen to me, stay sane inside insanity but he locked the door and threw away the key!"
"But he must have been drawn into somthing. Making him warn me in a note which reads-" Luke sang, unfolding a piece of paper that had appeared in his pocket from nowhere.
"What's it say? What's it say?" The curious group demanded.
" 'I'm out of my head. O hurry, or I may be dead. They musn't carry out their evil deed, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!' When Eddie said he didn't like his teddie you knew he was a no good kid. But when he threatened your life with a switchblade knife-"
"What a guy"
"Makes you cry"
"Unt I did"
Then Han sat up and sang this version- "When Eddie said he circumsized his teddie you knew he was a Jewish kid, but when he threatened your thigh with a cock this size!"
Leia and Luke just stared. But Frank continued the song. "What a gu-u-u-u-u-uy!"
"Makes you cry," Leia sniffed.
"Unt I did."
"E-e-e-d-d-i-i-e-e!" Then Frank grabbed the table cloth, revealing Eddie's corpse under the glass coffin that had been serving as a table. Chunks had been removed from the carcass, what they had been eating.
"MeatLoaf again!?" Luke cried out. Everyone else was screaming. Leia ran right into Rocky's arms.
"Oh Rocky!" Frank shouted. "How could you?!" He ran over to them and pushed them apart. Then he started slapping Leia. She ran out the room and he chased her. Luke and Han chased after. Riff Raff and Magenta broke out in hysterical laughter.
"Shut up!" Riff Raff shouted.
Meanwhile, Frank began to sing as he chased Leia through the halls. "I'll tell you once, I won't tell you twice. You better wise up Leia Organna. Your apple pie don't taste too nice. You better wise up Leia Organna. I've laid the seed, it should be all you need. You're as sensual as a pencil wound up like an eel of fur string, when we made it, did you hear a bell ring? You gotta block? Well take my advice! You better wise up, Leia Organna. The transducer will seduce ya!" At this point the four of them had entered the lab. Frank pulled a switch. Leia, Han and Luke's feet were pinned to the ground.
"My feet! I can't move my feet!" Leia shouted.
"It's as if we're glued to the spot!" Han added.
"You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools!" Frank shouted.
"Oh, we're trapped!" Leia exclaimed.
"It's something you'll get used to, a mental mind fuck can be nice! You better wise up, Leia Organna, you better wise up, build your thighs up! You better wise up-"
"Sto-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-p!" Leia shouted, slapping his chest with her hands. He backed away and smiled smugly.
"Don't get hot and flustered. Use a bit of mustard!" Frank sang.
"You're a hotdog but you'd better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter!" Han sang. Frank nodded his head. Magenta flipped a switch and Han was transformed into a naked statue.
"You're a hotdog but you'd better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter!" Luke sang. He got the same treatment.
"You're a-" Leia started, but was quickly silenced.
"It's not easy having a good time," Frank said dismally. He turned to Rocky, who was giving him the cold shoulder. He nodded his head and Magenta turned him into a naked statue. "Even smiling makes my face ache. Oh, and my children turn on me!"
"My God!" Colombia shouted, upon entering the lab and taking in the site of the statues, and Frank and Riff Raff. "I can't take any more of this - first you spurn me for Eddie, then you cast him away like an old overcoat for Rocky. You chew people up and then spit them out - I loved you, do you hear me - I LOVED YOU - And what did it get me? I'll tell you, a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, take! You rob others of their love and emotion. Well, I've had enough. You've got to choose between me and Rocky - so named because of the rocks in his head."
Frank nodded to Magenta and in an instant, Colombia was yet another decorative naked statue. He was about to continue, when Magenta had an outburst. "Aaaaah! I grow veary of thees vorld! Ven shall ve return to Transylvania, huh?" She demanded of Frank.
"You and your brother have served me well Magenta. You will find that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous." Frank answered.
"I ask for nothing, nothing," Magenta started as Riff Raff massaged her arm.
"Then you shall receive it, in abundance! Come, we must prepare for the floor show." Frank strode over to the elevator and they were gone.
"What's taking so long?" Janet demanded. "They should just grab them and go. What could be going on over there."
Dr. Scott, now awake with a painful bruise on his head, sighed. "I felt your friend's presence in my mind while I slept. It was as if I was there. I used his body to ask about my nephew, Eddie. But then the link was cut, only after I had discovered Eddie is dead. They are dealing with psychopaths if I was not dreaming, this may take awhile for them to get out safely."
"Quack," Lando whispered to Chewie. Chewie nodded.
"I heard that." Dr. Scott answered. Chewie raised his fist and the good doctor was silent.
Frank bustled about backstage, buisily primping the statues of the guests, now dressed in an array of fishnets and shimmery make up and lingerie. He thought it quite an improvement to the normal, drab outfits they had arrived in. He couldn't wait to see them once they were living bodies again. The music had started, Frank ran over to the side of the stage, flipped a switch and the curtain came up.
The statues were arrayed on the stage. Colombia was brought back to flesh first. She lifted the black and pink boa above her head, kicked her heels a few times and started singing.
"It was great when it all began, I was a regular Frankie fan. But it was over when he had the plan to start a workin' on a muscle man. Now the only thing that gives me hope is my love of a certain dope. Rose tint my world and keep me safe from my trouble and pain!"
Colombia hurried to the side of the stage as Rocky was demedusad. He too had a boa and his own sparkly lingerie. It was funny to see such a masculine looking guy in that make up, but Colombia thought it would be bad form to laugh. Then his song began:
"I was just seven hours old, truly beautiful to behold. And somebody should be told, my libido hasn't been in control. Now the only thing I've come to trust is an organsmic rush of lust. Rose tint my world and keep me safe from my trouble and pain." He sang, suggestively swerving his hips and rubbing the boa against his crotch at all the right parts. Then Han came to flesh, in an identical get up. His song went as follows:
"It's beyond me, help me mommy! I'll be good, you'll see, take this dream awa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y! What's this? Let's see," He said, croutching down on the floor. He lifted one very pretty fishnet leg in the air. "I feel sexy!" Then he began to convulsivly shake. "What's come over me? Whoo! Here it comes again!"
Then it was Leia's turn. She started off with a throaty moan. "I feel released, now that time is deceased. My confidence has increased, reality is here! The game has been dispanded, Ah! My mind has been expanded. It's a gas that Frankie's landed. His lust is so sincere!" The last note trailed off. She joined the others in the wings as some brass instruments sounded. The curtain lifted and revealed Frank, dressed in a flashy pink version of their teddies, his arm decorated by a gold arm band. He had a feather sticking out of his large black hair and a pouty expression on his very full lips. Then he began to sing:
"Whatever happened to Fay Wray? That delicate satin draped frame! As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry. Because I wanted to be dressed just the same!" At this point Frank kicked a lever. A set of stairs was produced on the stage and he began to descend to a lower level. "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Feel the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares beyond any measure. And sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just feel it? Whoa-ho-ho-ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! Oh!" Frank threw his boa in the air and leaped from the stage. He landed on a float in a swimming pool below. "Don't dream it, be it! Don't dream it, be it!"
The others chorused the song and dived into the pool. They started kissing at each other's bodies in the pool. A high heel lazily floated by the pool orgie. And they were all still singing too.
To the side of the stage, Luke was sitting in a chair, still in statue form. Still wearing the same clothes. The switch dropped and he was turned human again. A blanket covered his legs. He began to sing this:
"Ach! We've got to get out of this trap. Before this decadence saps our wills. I've got to be strong, and try to hang on. Or my mind may well, snap! And my life, will be lived for the - THRI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ILL!" Luke lifted his leg from the blanket, revealing a lack of pants, a garter belt and the prettiest fish net stalkings and high heel shoes you've ever seen.
Back in the pool, Han popped up and sang "It's beyond me, help me Mommie!" Colombia grabbed him and pulled him under the water.
Leia popped her head up, propelled by Rocky's muscled arms. "God bless Lily St. Cyr!"
Then Rocky hoisted Frank onto his shoulders. The others went to the back of the pool and started kicking the water. Frank sange this:
"MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY-Y-Y-Y-Y! I'm a wild and an untamed thing! I'm a bee with a deadly sting! You get a hit and your mind goes ping! Your heart is pumping and your blood will sing! So let the party and the sounds rock on! We're gonna shake it till the light has gone! Rose tint my world and keep me safe from my trouble and pain!"
He jumped back onto the stage, faced the back, shot his hands up and turned around. The others reappeared aside him and they started a kick line singing:
"We're a wild and an untamed thing! We're a bee with a deadly sting! You get a hit and your mind goes ping! Your heart is pumping and your blood will sing! So let the party and the sounds rock on! We're gonna shake it till the light has gone! Rose tint my world and keep me safe from my trouble and pain!" They stopped for a dance introlude, then reapeated the chorus. As they hit the last note, Frank did a twirl, then a horrified expression took over his normally carefree face.
At the other end of the room, by the doors stood Magenta and Riff Raff. Riff Raff held what looked like a gun, aimed directly at Frank. He sang the following:
"Frank N. Furter it's all over! Your mission is a failure, your lifestyle's too extreme, I'm your new commander. You now are my prisoner we return to Transylvannia. Prepare the transit beam!" Magenta turned to prepare the transit beam.
"Wait!" Frank shouted. They turned to him. "I can explain! He pleaded. He turned to Colombia and Rocky and whispered something in their ears. Luke, Leia and Han sat on the side of the stage, content to watch. Rocky messed with the lights a litte and Colombia put a spotlight on Frank. Rocky tossed him a blue scarf. Then Frank began singing a new song:
"On the day I went away (Good bye!) Was all I had to say (Now I) I want to come again and stay (All my life) Smile and that will mean I ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ay! Cause I've seen, oh! Blue skies! Through the tears in my eyes, and I realize, I'm going home! I'm going home! Everywhere it's the same (Feeling) Like I'm outside in the rain, (Feeling) free to try and find the game (Dealing) Cards for sorrow, cards for pai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ain! Cause I've seen, Oh! Blue skies! Through the tears in my eyes! And I realize I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ome!"
"How sentimental." Magenta scoffed as the song ended.
"And also presumptuous of you," Riff Raff added. "You see, when I said 'we' are returning to Transylvannia, I was referring only to Magenta and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you are to remain here. In spirit anyways. And now Frank N. Furter your time has come. Say good-bye to all of this, and hello to oblivion!" Riff Raff trained his gun on Frank.
"N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!" Colombia screamed. She jumped out. Riff Raff shot her dead. Then he turned back to Frank. He chased Frank around the stage, Frank screaming no and pleading for his life. Riff Raff was much less than merciful. Frank climbed the curtain. Riff Raff shot his back, sending Frank's dead body to the ground with an array of red material to cover his body.
Then Rocky began sobbing. He removed the material and stared at his dead father/lover. He picked up Frank's body, still sobbing. Riff Raff shot him several times, but the lazer had no effect. Rocky climbed a tower that was a prop on the stage, but he fell and when he landed in the pool below, he was dead as well.
"You killed them!" Leia shouted accusingly.
"But I thought you liked them. They liked you." Magenta added.
"THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME! THEY NEVER LIKED ME!" Riff Raff shouted.
"You did right!" Luke said.
"What was that?" Luke was suddenly very quiet and still as Riff Raff aimed the lazer at him. Then, in the most intimidating manner a man wearing panties can present, he suggested the three of them leave the castle, as it was about to be sent to their home planet of Transexual in the galaxy of Transylvannia.
Once the three were outside, the castle took off through the air. The three stumbled around in the mist. Han began to sing in a weary voice:
"I've done a lot, God knows I've tried, to find the truth. I've even lied. But all I know is down inside I'm bleeding."
Leia added her own voice. "And super heroes come to feast to taste the flesh not yet deceased. And all I know is still the beast is feeding."
Luke stared at them. "Why the hell've we been singing so damn much?"
"I don't know. Let's go home and never speak of this again." Han said, suddenly very self conscious of the fact he was dressed in an outfit so kinky the drag queens on Coruscant wouldn't wear it.
They found the movie box and made the necisary switches. Then both threesomes burned the others boxes.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own ANY of these characters, they are all either George Lucas' or Richard O'Brien's. There is no profit to be had from this story.