'Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina'   Edited by Kevin J. Anderson   Bantam Press 1995

1. 'We Don't Do Weddings: The Band's Tale' by Kathy Tyers (18 pages)

The Bith band had signed an exclusive contract with Jabba the Hutt; so how did they end up playing in a dive like the Cantina?
Any good? - pretty good, but not one of the author's best, IMO.

2. 'A Hunter's Fate: Greedo's Tale' by Tom & Martha Veitch (46 pages)

Greedo's life story in 46 pages.
Any good? - possibly the most boring pro-fic I've ever read. Sorry.

3. 'Hammertong: The Tale of the "Tonnika Sisters"' by Timothy Zahn (37 pages)

As mentioned in Zahn's 'Specter of the Past' (p. 353 of the paperback, if you feel the urge to go check), the two women in the dreadful green wigs were actually Shada D'ukal and Karoly D'ulin, a couple of Mystral 'mercenaries'. This is their story.
Any good? - an absolute cracker! Lots of action, intrigue and great characterisations.

4. 'Play It Again, Figrin D'an: The Tale of Muftak and Kabe' by A. C. Crispin (29 pages)

Muftak is the white furry thing with four eyes; Kabe is the Chadra-Fan (big ears, pig-like snout) that Muftak adopted. Muftak wants to find out what species he is, while Kabe is only concerned with picking a pocket or two and getting plastered in the Cantina.
Any good? - a cute little story, beautifully written.

5. 'The Sand Tender: The Hammerhead's Tale' by Dave Wolverton (23 pages)

Momaw Nadon isn't your ordinary Cantina low-life. He's an exiled Ithorian priest, a pacifist that has been pushed to the limit by the brutal Imperials
Any good? - nicely written, but aren't we getting a little far-fetched now?

6. 'Be Still My Heart: The Bartender's Tale' by David Bischoff (17 pages)

Wuther, our favorite surly bartender, has a secret in the Cantina basement!
Any good? - excellent little story.

7. 'Nightlily: The Lovers' Tale' by Barbara Hambly (23 pages)

Trevagg the Gotal is an Imperial clerical worker who thinks he has found a way to make his fortune. Then he meets Nightlily...
Any good? - an intriguing, well-written (if somewhat far-fetched) little tale.

8. 'Empire Blues: The Devaronian's Tale' by Daniel Keys Moran (24 pages)

Written in first person. Labria the Devaronian (friend of Wuher) has an interesting past. Why am I not surprised.
Any good? - s'okay. Quite good, really.

9. 'Swap Meet: The Jawa's Tale' by K. J. Anderson (22 pages)

So, how did a little Jawa get hold of a Blastech DL-44 blaster rifle? This is his story.
Any good? - yeah, not bad. Interesting characterisation.

10. 'Trade Wins: The Ranat's Tale' by Rebecca Moesta (7 pages)

VERY short piece about the little rat-thing.
Any good? - yup, worth the read!

11. 'When the Desert Wind Turns: The Stormtrooper's Tale' by Doug Beason (32 pages)

The story of Davin Felth, the guy who said "Look, sir, droids!" Covers the beginning of the movie from a stormtrooper's viewpoint. Also includes stormtrooper training: interesting to note his superior officer is 'Captain Terrik' (any relation to Booster Terrik, or just lack of imagination in naming characters?)
Any good? - the training part was a bit dull and long-winded. And, yet again, we find one character in the thick of the action - could it not have been a different stormtrooper in the Cantina? This story just didn't sit well; it was too contrived. And if stormtrooper training's so good, why are they such rotten shots?!

12. 'Soup's On: The Pipe Smoker's Tale' by Jennifer Roberson (15 pages)

Written in first person, this is possibly the weirdest Star Wars story I've ever read.
Any good? - didn't appeal to me, to be honest.

13. 'At the Crossroads: The Spacer's Tale' by Jerry Oltion (19 pages)

Totally unbelievable. Is the galaxy full of people who 'have the Force', or are great pilots, etc.? Or do they all just happen to bump into each other? And has the author even seen the movies - jawa's eyes aren't red, and I find it hard to believe that Wuher would serve anyone with 'a pint of bitter'.
Any good? - absolutely the worst Star Wars profic I've ever read. Made me cringe.

14. 'Doctor Death: The Tale of Dr. Evazan and Ponda Baba' by Kenneth C. Flint (21 pages)

Also features a green blobby thing called ... wait for it ... Rover! LOL! I found the characterisations hard to believe - Dr. Evazan is portrayed as positively eloquent.
Any good? - almost, but not quite, as bad as the last story. Someone's been watching too many horror B-movies.

15. 'Drawing the Maps of Peace: The Moisture Farmer's Tale' by M. Shayne Bell (28 pages)

Written in first person. A moisture farmer tries to make peace with the Jawas and the Tusken Raiders.
Any good? - kinda dull. Has its moments.

16. 'One Last Night in the Mos Eisley Cantina: The Tale of the Wolfman and the Lamproid' by Judith & Garfield Reeves-Stevens (19 pages)

Competes with story no. 12 for 'weirdest SW fic'. I thought it was only Star Trek that did all that bizarre time-travel stuff.
Any good? - contrived and unbelievable, but interesting characterisations.
 
 

Overall review - this gets the prize for the worst Star Wars book I've ever read. And it's not because the writing is bad, or the stories unimaginitive (although some of the authors I could happily freeze in carbonite). I just cannot believe that EVERY background character in the Cantina scene has some kind of fabulous story to tell, or some way of affecting the outcome of the whole trilogy. Two or three I could believe, but all of them? Pulllease!! I thought the whole concept of the Cantina scene was that these were ordinary people/aliens going about their ordinary lives, lounging about in the nearest dive, drinking themselves into a happy oblivion while the main characters got on with saving the galaxy. The characters in this book lead such busy lives, I'm surprised they have time to drink at all! If you get hold of a copy of the book, I'd recommend reading stories 1, 3, 4, 6 and possibly 7. You won't miss the others.

Rating -- 2 out of 10
 

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